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英语四级作文 范文

阳光说说 2024-04-29 2

英语四级作文 范文(精选50篇)

  英语四六级考试马上就要来临了,小编为大家搜索整理了50篇作文及其范文,这些范文都写得不错并且含概的范围也比较广泛,所以你们可以结合自己的情况在考前进行练习或者背诵!希望能给大家带来帮助!更多精彩内容请及时关注我们应届毕业生考试网!

  英语四级作文 范文 篇1

  When asked about their opinion of career and family, people always respond differently. Some people deem it more important to pursue their career, while there are always other people who argue that family should be the number one in one' s life.

  It goes without any question that career plays a key role in our life. In the very first place, career can give us an aim to live on. Without career, much of our living time will be certainly wasted. What' s more, career can provide us with a means to live on. Most of the people earn their income from a job. On the other hand, family is also an indispensable part of life, as many people will admit. Family is always regarded as a place where we can escape from troubles in life. In addition, we can obtain a sense of belonging to from family. Without it, anyone will feel lonely and desperate.

  In my opinion, career and family are not in opposition to each other. Rather, they can enhance each other so that one' s life can become better and better. Therefore, it' s not a choice between right and wrong, but one between ideal and practical.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇2

  Dear friend, I have a great news to inform here. Through long efforts, Beijing has been granted the right to host 2008 Olympic games. As a resident in Beijing, I feel quite excited and like to share with you my happiness.

  This success means a lot more than a game to me. In the first place, this Games will definitely promote the development of our economy. According to a recent survey by some experts, this games will raise our GDP by about 3%, and offer about 10,000 jobs. What' s more, our culture will be widely recognized and accepted all over the world through the Games. People will come over from every corner of the world, and experience Chinese culture in every aspect. Besides, through the games, our living environment will be greatly improved. For example, the public transportation system will be up-dated. Moreover, it' s known that more trees will be planted, and grassland will be considerably expanded.

  My friend, I really look forward to the coming of this great Games. As an individual, I' m all ready to offer my help in any way I can. I also hope to invite you all to come here, and watch the games in 2008.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇3

  Recent years have seen a tendency in China that tourism is growing faster. According to a recent survey made by some experts, about 47% urban residents travel regularly, and 28% rural residents also make their tour across the country. The survey also shows that more people are interested in tourism, and will join the army in the future.   Facing this tendency, we can' t help exploring some underlying factors that are responsible. In the very first place, with the policy of reform and opening up, Chinese people' s living standard has been greatly improved, and therefore, most of them can afford to travel around. What' s more, it is believed that people now take a more positive attitude to tourism, and regard it as a life style. In addition, tourism facilities are becoming better and better. For example, transportation develops fast, and many scenic spots are available now.

  Though there are still some problems with tourism, I personally believe that tourism should be playing a key role in our life. I also hope that our government will make policies to create a better environment for tourists.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇4

  There has been a heated discussion over the growing income gap now. Some people hold that the gap is natural because it reflects different contributions that different people make in their work.. In their view, those people with high income work hard and long. Besides, these people bring high efficiency, and create more wealth. Accordingly, they deserve high pay.

  On the other hand, there are always some people who view this gap negatively. They believe that a lot of crimes happen as a result of this income gap. Some people make so little from their work that they risk taking criminal acts to get rich. In fact, experts have long found out that most cases of crime are directly related to low income. There is another point to back up a negative view against income gap. For most people, income gap may destroy the satisfaction that they obtain from work.

  As anything has two sides, so has the problem of income gap. Personally, I believe that this gap may motivate people to compete better in job market. When this gap is growing too wide, however, our government should make some policies to get rid of its negative consequences.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇5

  As a popular saying goes, knowledge is power. With our country developing fast, the importance of knowledge is becoming more and more obvious to us all.

  In the very first place, with knowledge, one can easily find jobs. It is often said that we are entering a new age of information, and knowledge plays a key role in this age. For example, if one wants to work in IT field, one needs to improve his knowledge constantly. What' s more, knowledgeable people can get quick promotion in their work. As is often the case, a person in charge of an organization is the one who has most knowledge. In addition, more knowledge is also needed to make our life rich and fulfilled.

  Accordingly, we must try hard to acquire as much knowledge as we can. Luckily, a lot of means may enable us to do so. Among other things, web proves the best and fastest way to get information.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇6

  There is an undeniable fact that the number of animals is declining faster than ever before. According to a recent survey made by some experts, about 37 species disappear from our earth every year. It is obvious that the problem has become a serious one worth our concern.

  When we explore this problem, some underlying factors emerge. In the very first place, human beings have played a big part. With the fast development of human society, the environment is much destroyed, and animals lose their home. Accordingly, some species become extinct. What' s more, people hunt animals for food and skin. A good case in point is that the Japanese have killed a lot of whales because they like to eat the meat. In addition, human beings are largely responsible for the pollution of natural environment, and poison animals in many ways.

  The current problem, I believe, should be solved immediately. First of all, our government should play a key role in making relevant rules and protecting animals. The general public should also be educated to value the existence of these animals on our planet.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇7

  last week, li ning and i studied in classroom. suddenly, lining said to me that he had a headache .i asked he to see doctor. he said it was not bad. after 5 miniuts, lining sai to me his headache very serious. so i helped him go to hosptial

  althought there was sars around us, but i felt very rm from this thing. it told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. we are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. and not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. how happy we were!

  英语四级作文 范文 篇8

  Some people say that money is the best thing in the world. But I consider reading books as the best and the most precious thing one can ever have.

  Reading books is very important. First of all, it is knowledge that makes society develop and by reading books you can get all kinds of knowledge. Further more, reading books makes you a qualified person and makes your life enjoyable.

  One is never too old to learn. No matter what time you realize the importance of reading books, you can enjoy it during the rest of your life time. Love books, for they are your best friends.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇9

  The importance of self-confidence

  Currently, self-confidence has been the order of the day. This does demonstrate the theory --- nothing is more valuable than self-confidence. It is clear that . If you , as a result, your dreams will come true. On the contrary, if you . Failure will be following with you.It turns out that all your plan falls through. No one can deny another fact that .You dont have to look very far to find out the truth, in respect that we all know . It will exert a profound influence upon . With reference to my standpoint, I think .

  英语四级作文 范文 篇10

  Some people take it for granted that some lucky numbers can bring them good luck. For instance, the so-called lucky number “8” is widely used now because it is sounded like “getting rich” in Chinese and is believed to bring good fortune.

  Yet many others don' t think so. They think that numbers have nothing to do with luck. They regard numbers simply as a mathematic symbols for counting. They are anything but a mystery. They laugh at those who think numbers can bring good luck.

  I' m in favor of the latter opinion. I think our society is very modern now. We mustn' t count on the so-called lucky numbers to fulfill our wishes. Whether we can have good luck depends on ourselves. If we work hard, good luck will come to us.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇11

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic: What does friendship mean? You should write at least 120 words and you shouldbase your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

  1.友谊是人生永恒的主题

  2.友谊到底意味着什么

  3..友谊的重要性。

  What does friendship mean?

  There is no definite answer. An eternal theme in literature, friendship is also indispensable in daily life.

  Friendship is to our life what salt is to dishes. When you are happy, friendship is just like adding flowers on the brocade; when you are sad, friendship is a dose of consolation; if you are in trouble, friends will surround you and remove the barriers for you; if you have a hard nut to crack, you can turn to friends for help. We admire the great friendship between Marx and Engel, which firmly combined them and pushed them forward on the road to exploring and fulfilling Communism.

  Friendship isn't almighty, but no one can live happily without it.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇12

  Direction:

  1. 现在大学生读双学位的现象很常见

  2. 我对这一现象的看法

  【作文范文】

  Recently it has become a common phenomenon for college students to have two majors at the same time. In this way, they can get double BA degrees when they graduate from the university several years later.

  Although it may bring unfavorable consequences, we can be sure to conclude that this practice is favorable on the whole. To begin with, most students will become more hardworking and efficient in order to finish the learning tasks satisfactorily. Moreover, with two degrees at hand after graduation, they will stand a better chance in the job market full of fierce competition. In the third place, as for today's university students, tuition and fees are becoming more and more expensive. If they can make achievements in study at school and find a satisfactory job afterwards, it will not be a big problem.

  Weighing the pros and cons of such a new trend, we can naturally arrive at the conclusion that it is beneficial and rewarding. This system not only compels students to work hard, but also prepares them for the coming competition.

  【点评】

  首段直接点题,说明现象;第二段分述三个优点,其中首句为让步状语从句,意思是“虽然可能带来负面的'后果,但总体上是有益的”;第三段呼应第二段,得出结论。

  范文首段提出大学生读双学位这一普遍现象;第二段分三点进行论述,其中前两点是优点,即学生会更加勤奋,并且有利于他们在激烈的求职市场中找到工作,最后一点是解释可能带来的学费问题并不严重;第三段下结论,呼应第二段。

  第二段第三句中的stand a better chance(of)表示“大有希望”;第三段末句中的compel sb.to do sth.表示“迫使某人做某事”。

  英语四级作文 范文 篇13

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a letter in reply to a friend' s inquiry about Plan after graduation. You should write at least 120 words according to the outline given below in Chinese:

  假如你是李明,你的朋友石头来信咨询你的毕业之后的.计划,考研还是就业,请根据自己的情况写封回信告知石头你的态度,并说明理由。

  参考范文:

  Dear Shitou,

  So great to receive your letter on May 1st, in which you inquired about my plan after graduation. Now, I am writing to illustrate it and my accounts. As is known to all, so many graduates are eager to set feet on their work-life roads. According to a survey by National Department of Education, more than six million college students will leave the so called “Ivory Tower” this year. It is clear that the competition of job-hunting will be extremely furious. On the contrary, it seems advisable for me to further my study and get a master' s degree. What makes me convinced is that a higher degree and better educational background will, undoubtedly, enable me to make full preparation for entering the society. Besides, if possible, I will get involved in social and practical activities in my spare time. Taking all aspects into account, I choose to study as a postgraduate.

  Many thanks for your concern.

  Best wishes!

  英语四级作文 范文 篇14

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled Post-holiday Syndrome Among Students. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below.

  1. 很多学生在开学伊始都会出现假期综合症

  2. 出现这一现象的原因

  3. 我的建议

  参考范文:

  Post-holiday Syndrome Among Students With the gloomy prospect of returning to school, many students could suffer from post-holiday syndrome, which refers to a general feeling of depression before returning to campus life, which is caused by irregular lifestyles during the holiday. Symptoms include fatigue, lack of appetite and concentration, irritability and a feeling of helplessness. Various reasons can account for it. But most important of all, a large number of students tend to overindulge themselves in eating, merrymaking and playing around during the holidays, which makes it difficult to adjust to their routine study schedule and life pace on the campus. My suggestions to deal with this syndrome are as follows. First, exercising and sticking to a normal schedule over the holidays will make a difference and nip post-holiday syndrome in the bud. Besides, it pays to return a few days earlier before the semester starts. The early return seems to have kept the holiday blues at bay.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇15

  Directions:

  1. 目前中国出现了“啃老族”现象

  2. 这种现象产生的原因

  3. 为应对这一现象我认为...

  NEET

  The problem of NEET, once well-known in the UK and Japan, has been brought into public attention now in China. NEET refers to the group of the young who are not currently engaged in education, employment or training. Most of these young people just stay at home or idle about, avoiding employment and relying on their parents.

  There are mainly two reasons for this phenomenon. For one thing, with the expansion of university enrollment, an increasing number of college graduates pour into job-hunting market every year. Unfortunately, some of them are not fully prepared and thus become unemployed the time they graduate. For another, some young people are badly spoilt as the only child of their family, so they psychologically and financially depend on their parents even when they are already grown-ups.

  To solve this problem, first, colleges should provide pre-job training courses for the young. Second, parents should cultivate their children the sense of independence. Last but not the least, college students should equip themselves with skills and knowledge so that they will become competitive when seeking jobs.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇16

  Direction:

  1. 目前有一些人喜欢在网上炫富

  2. 人们对这一现象的看法不一

  3. 我的看法

  Displaying Wealth Online

  Nowadays, it is not rare to see people displaying their wealth on the Internet. Some post pictures of luxury goods, such as brand clothes and bags, luxurious automobiles or jewelries. Some write about their experiences in which a lot of money is spent.

  People have different responses to this phenomenon. Some say that it is people' s right to share their possessions or experiences with others on the Internet, as long as the things are legal and the experiences real. However, some criticize that the rich people are too arrogant. What' s worse, there are also a few who are not actually rich but put fake photos only to satisfy their vanity.

  In my opinion, sharing is a good thing, and it is exactly the spirit of the Internet. But people should make careful choice on what they are sharing. After all, showing off is not very nice, not to mention faking.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇17

  Direction:

  1.当今校园里出现很多攀比现象,很多学生过于追求时髦

  2.作为当代大学生应该树立正确的价值观,以学业为重

  3.谈谈你的看法

  题材连接:这个类型的`题目也可以联系节约性社会来命题,以及父母的钱来之不易,体会到父母的含辛茹苦,应该把钱用在适当的地方,树立正确的消费观.

  参考范文

  Some 20-somethings ,supposed to dedicate themselves to studies, are in hot pursuit of fashion. The craze to vie with each other is prevalent in colleges and universities. Undoubtedly, they have every reason to reverse the trend.

  Students should concentrate themselves exclusively on studies, which should be on the top of their agenda. Holding the right concept of value makes sense. To earn an impressive academic performance, we college students must pour determined efforts into study and pay no attention to vogue .

  Keeping up with the Jones results in the unavoidable distraction from studies. And college students are vulnerable to business promotional campaign. They are heavily targeted by ads. We should compete with our peers for better scholarly achievement instead of more expensive items.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇18

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic A Smile Is the Best Language. You should write at least 150 words, and base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

  1) 有些人不喜欢微笑,或者轻视微笑的作用;

  2) 其实微笑是更好 的语言。

  A Smile Is the Best Language

  It has long been accepted that a smile is the best language. The truth of a smile is that it is like a seed that can grow into a towering tree and at long last it has deep and profound effect on people' s lives.

  At the moment we get in trouble, get misunderstood or give thanks, a smile is more helpful than any other expression. Many daily incidents can probe the strength/power of smile. To begin with, we should always smile to ourselves, so as to keep optimistic when in difficulty. At the same time, smiling to others is necessary, too. Sometimes, we may face misunderstandings that are hard to explain clearly simply bu words. Then, a smile can show them the genuine sincerity to win their trust. Besides, smile is a worldwide language to say “thanks” and can bring pleasant feelings to others.

  In a word, perhaps the best example of universally understood body language is smile. As the old saying goes, smile to others, and sooner or later they will smile back to you.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇19

  In this society,nobody can live without money. It seems everything we need will use money to acquire. Then,here comes the question,can money buy happiness?Some people say that money is the source of happiness. With enough money,people can go to the places they never been,buy the things they ever want. So,they come to the conclusion that money is everything. It can buy happiness. And it' s also the resource of happiness. However,in my humble opinion,money can not buy everything,happiness is not all the thing that money can buy.

  There is no denying that money is useful. The chief thing to remember is we must be the owners of money,not to be the slaves of money. We must let the money to work for us. If we don' t have the right attitude toward to money,we may be in big trouble. Countless people break the laws because of money. In this case,you can not live in happiness. Just as the old saying goes,money cann' t buy everything,but without money,you can do nothing. Only with the proper use,money can bring us happiness.

  在这个社会,没钱就不能生活下去。看起来我们想要的一切都需要钱去换取。然后,问题就来了:钱能带来幸福吗?有人说钱是幸福的根源。有了足够的钱,人们可以去从来没有去过的地方,买自己想要的任何东西。所以,他们得出结论:钱就是一切,钱也能买幸福。然而,在我看来,钱不能买一切,也不包括幸福。

  无法否认钱很有用。需要记住的是我们应该成为钱的`主人,而不是钱的奴隶。我们要用钱为自己工作。如果我们对钱没有一个正确的态度,那么我们就会陷入麻烦。为了钱,不计其数的人违反法律。在这种情况下,钱就不能带给人们幸福感了。就像那句老话所说,钱不是 ,但没有钱,万万不能。只有正确的使用,钱才能给我们带来幸福。

  英语四级作文 范文 篇20

  Directions:

  1. 上图所示为我国吸毒者年龄分布情况,请描述其变化

  2. 请说明发生这些变化的原因

  3. 这一变化对社会和个人的影响

  范文:

  As can be seen from the graph, there have been sharp changes in the age distribution of drug addicts. To be concrete, the teenage addicts only made up 10 percent of all the drugsters in 1982 while the ratio rose up to 65 in 20xx.

  The causes for them are not hard to find. First , teenagers' fearless curiosity about everything new has led some of them into this marsh. Second, many of the young addicts turned for the first time to drugs for escape either from their failure in the national entrance exams or from their parents' breakup. And above all,our education in the harmfulness of drugs has been far from adequate to build teenagers' sound resistance to drugs. To sum up, the causes mentioned above must call for more of our concern, and effective measures should be taken to check the trend.

  Obviously the drastic change will exert great impact on individuals and the whole society.

  For one thing, drug-taking does great damage to the health of drug users.. For another, some drugusers commit robbery or even murder their parents and relatives to get money to buy drugs, which poses a great threat to the social security and the social stability. Therefore, it is high time we did something to put anendto this trend.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇21

  Wechat is very popular nowadays,even the foreigners are crazy about this communicative tool. The functions of Wechat are various,such as talking to friends and paying the bill.

  One of the hottest functions is to send red packet. If people want to catch everybody' s attention in the group talk,sending a red packet works well. Everybody is excited to share the money and they will feel lucky if they get the money.

  This function brings happiness and I love it so much. Sometimes when I hear the voice,I will open the phone and try to get the money as soon as possible. When I open the red packet, I will be very happy.

  微信现在很受欢迎,甚至连外人都喜欢上这个社交工具。微信有很多功能,比如和朋友聊天、支付账单。

  好热门的功能之一是发红包。如果有人想要在群聊里吸引大家的注意力,发个红包就可以了。大家对这壹功能都很兴奋,如果抢到钱,就会觉得很幸运。

  这个功能给大家带来了快乐,我也很喜欢这个功能。有时当我听到声音,我就会打开手机,以好快的`速度去抢红包。当我打开红包时,我就会非常高兴。

  英语四级作文 范文 篇22

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled On Food Security.

  You should write at least 150 words, and base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

  1) 食品安全丑闻频繁曝光,引起人们关注;

  2) 食品安全问题产生的原因;

  3) 我的建议。

  On Food Security

  Over the past couple of years, cases of the food scandal have been more frequently discussed on various media. In effect, the problem of food security has become a public concern across society.

  There are several reasons which may account for this social phenomenon. First of all, there are a couple of economic driving forces behind this undesirable tide. The weak supervision and the lack of adequate punishment on those illegal producers is also a noticeable reason which enforces the trend. Furthermore, the neglect of moral education gives rise to the increasing rate of the problem. As Confucius instructed, it is better late than never.

  In my opinion, prompt and strict measures should be taken to turn back this evil trend. On one hand, the government should draw up tougher laws to crack down on those irresponsible corporations and prohibit them from engaging in illegal production once again. On the other hand, the authorities should launch a massive moral campaign to educate all citizens. I am firmly convinced that through our combined efforts we are bound to enjoy more risk-free foods in the days ahead.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇23

  Gambling is actually playing games of chance, such as cards, for money. People regard gambling as wrong, although at first sight it is difficult to show it is wrong. It is true that in a game of chance, one of the parties must lose money, however, the gain of the other cannot be called robbery since both parties willingly agree to run the risk.

  Perhaps a comparison of gambling with dueling will help us see why gambling is evil. In a duel, as in a game of chance,both parties willingly agree to run a risk. But in civilized countries, duelinglis a crime because law and order in the state wil break down if every citizen can take the law into his own hands and avenge an injury himself. Gambling is condemned for the same reason: the effect of gambling is injurious not only to the individual but also to society.

  The evils of gambling are in fact many.It discourages habits of industry by holding out before men the hope of getting rich quickly without work. Besides this, it often becomes a habit which can throw a man and his family into misery. Moreover, it often ends up in theft and robbery, even in crimes of violence. Therefore, it must be regarded as a social evil.

  就是为了钱而玩风险游戏,比如玩纸牌。尽管,乍一看也看不出有什么不正当之处,但人们还是把看作是不正当之事。事实正是如此:在风险游戏中,一方肯定要输钱,而赢的一方也不能叫做强盗,因为双方都情愿冒这个险。

  将和决斗做一比较也许会使我们明白为什么说是罪恶。在一场决斗中,和一场风险游戏中一样,双方都甘心情愿冒险。但是在文明 中,决斗就是犯罪。因为如果每个公民都将法律掌握在自己的手中,自己去报仇,那么 的法律和秩序就会崩溃。被认为是不正当的也是出于同样的原因:造成的'后果不仅对个人是有害的,而且对社会也是有害的。

  的罪恶之处其实很多。它在人们面前展现出可以不劳动而快速致富的希望,从而使人们想丢掉勤劳奋斗的好习惯。除此之外,它还经常使人家破人亡。还有,它总是带给人的结局是:偷盗、抢劫、甚至暴力犯罪。所以,我们必须将它看作是一种对社会有极大坏处的因素。

  英语四级作文 范文 篇24

  The conception of green consumption has gradually become popular in China. More and more green foods are making their appearance on the market and more and more people arebecoming conscious of environmental protection.

  However, there still exist quite a few difficulties in the further promotion of green consumption. On the one hand, many people are still not quite clear of the advantages of green foods. On the other hand, due to high profits, many fake green foods are found in the market. Moreover, many consumers don' t want to pay extra money for green foods.

  There may be several ways to solve these problems. Firstly, the government should supervise the good quality strictly to protect consumers' interests. Secondly, the conception of green consumption should be further promoted and emphasized. Thirdly, the government should work together with manufacturers to make the price more reasonable.

  绿色消费的概念在中国已逐渐成为流行。越来越多的绿色食品市场上出现了越来越多的人成为环境保护的.意识。

  然而,仍然存在不少困难,进一步促进绿色消费。一方面,许多人仍不清楚绿色食品的优点。另一方面,由于高额利润,许多假的绿色食品在市场上被发现。此外,许多消费者不愿意支付额外的钱为绿色食品。

  可能有几种方法可以解决这些问题。首先,政府应该监督好质量严格保护消费者的利益。其次,绿色消费的概念应进一步提升和强调。第三,政府应与厂商合作,价格更合理。

  英语四级作文 范文 篇25

  Directions:

  For this part you are allowed 30minutes to write a composition on the topic Jobsfor Graduates. You should write at least 120 wordsand base your composition on the outline below:

  大学生难找工作,原因很多,解决的办法。

  【参考范文】

  Job hunting has always been a headache forcollege students. Though many graduates areemployed right after graduation, some are not. Mostserious of all, some still have no idea where to go working even a long time after graduation. The reasons for this phenomenon are various. On the one hand, a few years ago collegesand universities enrolled so many students in popular majors, such as economy, finance andso on that the number of graduates was greater than the need in the market. On the otherhand, most graduates would rather stay in large cities without suitable job to do than go tothe country. I reckon this problem can be solved if both colleges and students take measures. First, theyshould research the market and develop special skills to suit its need. Second, students' attitude towards employment should be changed. They should go to small cities and country.There they can also give full play to their professional knowledge. In a word, if we pay muchattention, the situation can be improved.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇26

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic Issues on Weight Reducing. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below in Chinese:

  1. 现在肥胖现象比较严重

  2. 不科学的减肥可能导致的危害

  3. 我对减肥的.看法

  【范文】

  Issues on Weight Reducing

  Nowadays the people are enjoying a more comfortable life and many people are suffering fromobesity. Thus, losing weight becomes very popular.

  However, weight reducing is a tricky topic. Some people lose weight quickly by crash dieting or other extreme measures. This will not help them lose weight since they usually gain back all of the pounds they lost because they havent permanently changed their habits. Whats worse, sometimes these extreme measures will affect the individuals health.

  In my view, before one decides to lose weight, he first of all should make it clear whether he should or not lose weight. The best way to find out if you are at a healthy weight or if you need to lose or gain weight is to talk to a doctor or dietitian. He or she can compare your weight with healthy norms to help you set realistic goals. If it turns out that you would benefit from weight loss then you can follow a few of the simple suggestions which are widely accepted by weight reducing experts to get it started.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇27

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay commenting on the remark “the greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” You can give examples to illustrate your point and then explain what you will do to make your life more meaningful. You should write at least 150 words but no more than 200 words.

  本次作文主题围绕“有意义的生活”,由于本次主题有些抽象,难度稍大。以下是一条可行思路:

  1、由谚语引出话题,表述自己对生活的'看法。

  2、引出具体例子,作为自己观点的支撑。

  3、给出自己的行动方向,如何“过有意义的生活”。

  范文

  Among all the highlighted topics, there is “how to live a meaning life?” Everyone has his or her own opinion. As the saying has it, “the greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” I cannot agree any more.

  If our life is just to pursue something for ourselves, we will surely feel fruitless and meaningless when we grow old. From Steve Jobs' s bibliography, we can get that the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. Steve Jobs has brought a great many changes to our world. His life, although short, definitely outlast. That' s a life worth living.

  Therefore, if there is a way to make my life meaningful, it should be to find something I' m interested in and also helpful to others or the whole society. Only in this way can I keep my passion throughout my life until I finally fulfil my life.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇28

  题目要求:

  1. 现在许多大学生放弃学业去参加“选秀”节目;

  2. 有人认为“选秀”节目为这些大学生提供了展示自我的平台,他们应该抓住机会“秀出自己”;但也有人认为这种选秀节目会养成大学生 “急功近利”的心态;

  3. 那么作为一个大学生,你是怎么看待这件事情的`?

  参考范文:

  Nowadays, TV PK Shows (or we can call it Talent Shows) are great hit in China and have attracted many young people. As for me, TV PK Shows, as all other things, have both positive and negative effects. Therefore, the most crucial thing is how we see them.

  Some people think Talent Shows provide grass-root people with a stage to display their talents, so they should seize every opportunity to show off their talents. Some College students even give up their studies to attendthese TV PK Shows in the hope of becoming famous overnight. They even regard TV PK shows as a shortcut to the success. While other people reckon that TV PK Shows will develop the undergraduates' attitude of anxious of achieving quick success. And once they were failed in these shows, they would suffer a great psychological unbalance. This is really bad to their physical and psychological health.

  To sum up, everything has its limit. As long as the right attitude is employed, then it is OK.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇29

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay on the topic Uncivilized Tourists. You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.

  【参考范文】

  Uncivilized Tourists

  Recently, there is a popular saying: the world is so large that I want to have a look! As more and more people travel around during their holidays, tourists have brought large sum of money to the local people.

  However, too many tourists also bring some problems to the local life. The most serious problem is the pollution caused by the uncivilized tourists. It' s reported that there were thousands of tons of rubbish left after the flag-raising ceremony on Oct. 1st. The uncivilized tourists left their rubbish wherever they go, polluting the local environment. Another problem is the traffic jam caused by so many tourists.

  Tourist can promote the economic development of the local areas, but the pollution caused by those uncivilized tourists has brought severe problems. The local tourist authority should set up relative laws to protect the environment of the local areas, and every tourist obey the laws and help to make the places of tourist more beautiful!

  英语四级作文 范文 篇30

  Direction:

  1. 有人认为网络可以让学习、工作更有效率

  2. 有人却认为网络让青少年沉迷,影响学习

  3. 我的看法

  作文范文:

  The Internet

  In the era of information and technology, the Internet plays an important role in our society. However, people' s opinions are still divided on this point. Those who are in favor of the Internet claim that it has a lot of advantages. Firstly, information searching is no longer a tough job with the help of all kinds of search engines. Secondly, we can contact friends or business partners via e-mails or software such as Internet Meeting and Yahoo Messenger.

  Those who are opposed to the Internet hold that its disadvantages are numerous. In the first place, using the Internet costs considerable time, money and energy, especially for those with poor self-control. In the second place, increasing young people are indulged in online games and unhealthy information, which are extremely harmful to their development.

  In my opinion, its pros outweigh the cons. The past twenty years have witnessed the fast development of the Internet along with the national economy. A brighter future is awaiting us if we make good use of the Internet.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇31

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic Western Fast Food. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:

  1. 洋快餐颇受中国消费者的青睐

  2. 产生这种现象的原因

  3. 我的'看法

  【范文】Western Fast Food Fast food is becoming more and more popular in China, especially among children and teenagers. Today, nothing is more representative of the fast pace of modern society than fast food. There are several reasons for its popularity. For one thing, it is fast and convenient. Go into a fast food restaurant, and your food will be ready in a minute. Precious time won' t be wasted in waiting-in-line to order or waiting at your table for your food to arrive. For another, its popularity is also attributed to the clean food, the excellent service and the comfortable environment of the fast food restaurants, and American style. However, I think that fast food isn' t healthy enough because it doesn' t compose a balanced diet and is low in nutrition. Fast food is only a good choice when you are in a hurry and we should turn to it only once in a while.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇32

  Nowadays, going abroad for studies is enjoying a striking popularity among adolescents. Importance should be attached to studying abroad.

  There are a great many advantages of studying overseas. First and foremost, living and studying abroad offers students a different perspective of the world. On a university campus, international students are likely to encounter their counterparts fromvarious countries and areas and are exposed to perse ideas and values. What is more, overseas experience is the best opportunity for the real-life use of foreign languages. There is no better opportunity to improve second-language skills than living in the country in which it is spoken.

  Generally peaking, it is my view that although going abroad is expensive and perhaps painful, the payoff is worthwhile. In the first place, in addition to knowledge, overseas students can gain precious experiences that those who stay at home will never have. Furthermore, overseas experience, frustrating and painful as it may be, is conducive to the growth of adolescents.

  如今,出国留学在年轻人中间非常流行。应重视留学。

  有许多优势,海外学习。首先,国外生活和学习的学生提供了一个不同的世界观。在大学校园中,国际学生很可能遭遇来自不同 和地区的同行和接触不同的理念和价值观。更甚的是,国外的经验是现实生活中使用外语的.更好 时机。没有更好的机会来提高第二语言技能比住在乡村,它说的是。

  一般来说,我认为,尽管出国留学是昂贵的,也许是痛苦的,回报是值得的。在 个地方,除了知识之外,留学生可以获得宝贵的经验,那些呆在家里。此外,海外经历,因为它可能是令人沮丧和痛苦,有利于青少年的成长。

  英语四级作文 范文 篇33

  Direction:

  1. 如今不少学生在英语学习中不重视口语

  2. 出现这种现象的原因是……

  3. 为改变这种状况,我认为……

  参考范文:

  Due Attention Should Be Given to Speaking

  Nowadays fewer and fewer students pay attention to their spoken English, which results in a dramatic increase in the number of students who can spell English words but are incapable of speaking them fluently or correctly. This phenomenon has aroused many people' s attention.

  Why does such a phenomenon emerge? As far as I' m concerned, there are possibly two reasons contributing to this phenomenon. On the one hand, exam-oriented education makes many schools lay emphasis on passing the English exams, which leads to the lack of speaking environment for students to practice their spoken English. On the other hand, students themselves don' t realize the importance of the ability to speak English which has a great influence on their future study and career development.

  To change this situation, I think, we can take the following measures. First, the importance of oral English should be emphasized to raise students' awareness of the necessity of speaking English. Second, exams should be modified to make students pay attention to their spoken English. Third, schools can organize various activities to arouse students' interest in speaking English.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇34

  题目要求:

  1. 现在团购很流行

  2. 团购有很多好处,但也有不少问题

  3. 我的建议

  参考范文:

  Group Purchasing

  In recent years, a new type of online shopping is rapidly gaining popularity ― group purchasing, which was originally introduced from foreign countries but is now widely accepted all over China. People can buy not only goods, but also all kinds of services on group purchasing sites.

  Group purchasing is very convenient, and saves people a lot of money. But it also has some problems. Since group purchasing is nothing more than another form of online shopping, the nature of it is no different from other online shopping patterns. Problems that exist in online shopping also can be found in group purchasing, like deceptive advertisements or poor after-sale services.

  In my opinion, we should treat group purchasing as a way of shopping and nothing more. We must be careful not to buy something we don' t need only to follow the fashion.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇35

  Direction:

  1. 近年来网络语言在青少年中很流行

  2. 人们对这一现象看法不同

  3. 我的看法

  Internet Slang

  Internet slang such as LOL (laughing out loud) and ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing) enjoys great popularity among teenagers nowadays. In fact, itbecomes so popular that many terms now crossfromcomputer-mediated communication toface-to-face communication. Some teenagers even use them in essay writing.

  People have different opinions towards this phenomenon. Some people say that it will help enrich the language system and make language diverse. But others disagree, saying that these new words, being abbreviations for existing, long-used phrases, don' t “enrich” anything; they just shorten it and their total effect on language will be trivial.

  In my opinion, Internet slang has little effect on language in general, but will greatly influence individuals' , especially teenagers' language development. The reason is that overuse of Internetslang will lead to the lack of proper punctuations and grammar and has numerous misspellings in writing. That will drastically reduce chances of employment when students graduate and seek jobs. So, for the sake of their future, teenagers had better refrainfromInternet slang.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇36

  题目要求:

  Private Tutoring

  Outline:

  1. 为孩子聘请家教目前非常普遍

  2.家教的利与弊

  3.我的看法

  参考范文:

  Sample:

  A recent investigation shows that about 80 percent of pupils have private tutors.Such a popular practice indicates that people are attaching greater importance to education. Many parents, for various reasons, missed the chance of obtaining a good education. When their children meet with difficulties in study, they are helpless. Private tutoring is the only solution. As private tutoring is usually one-to-one, the teacher knows the strong points as well as the weak points of the pupil clearly.

  However, private tutoring has its own disadvantages. For one thing, it takes up so much of the pupils' time that they can hardly find enough time for rest and entertainment, which are essential for their physical and mental health. For another, some teachers, busy “shuttling” from one family to another, tend to neglect their regular teaching duties. What' s more, some teachers are eager to help pupils do well in the test, offering the so-called tips for test-taking rather than help them acquire what is more meaningful.

  Generally speaking, its disadvantages outweigh its advantages. Greater emphasis should be laid on classroom teaching and practice, on the improvement of teaching quality and on the tapping of pupils' potentials. Only in this way can a new generation be healthily brought up.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇37

  Direction:

  1. 大学生现在过分崇拜大明星

  2. 分析产生这一现象的原因

  3. 我的看法

  参考范文:

  Nowadays, star-worshiping is popular among teenagers, especially many university students.

  Why? When it comes to the symptoms of worshiping a star, the main factor I' d like to mention is imitation. With a blind love for their idols, teenagers firmly believe that their choices are the best. As a result, the stars' clothes, hairstyles and hobbies, as well as their behaviors in public, are closely observed or followed, though, to some extent, they may be considered improper or even ridiculous.

  In my opinion, having idols is not a bad thing. However, we should make it clear who are the real “heroes”. As far as I am concerned, the real heroes are those who are making the most contributions to our society, such as teachers, doctors and scientists. As students, we should learn from them. Only in this way can we become useful persons in the future.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇38

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic Trying to Renew Knowledge. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:

  1. 更新知识的重要性

  2. 怎样更新知识

  3. 你自己的感受

  【范文】Trying to Renew Knowledge Today' s society is of knowledge economy age, in which new knowledge emerges much faster than ever before. Moreover, knowledge plays an important part in the whole economy. Therefore, everyone finds it necessary to renew his (or her) knowledge, otherwise he (or her) will be left behind the society. There are some ways to knowledge. On the one hand, one can attend different courses at all types of schools, either part-time or full-time. On the other hand, self-study is, in a sense, a more convenient and practical method by which one can effectively renew his (or her) knowledge. In my view, I have primarily depended on self-taught method in the recent years. Although I am busy doing daily work, I still insist on teaching myself at night. In this way, I can not only keep up with the swift development of society but also apply new knowledge to my practical work, which benefits.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇39

  Directions:

  1.保护非物质文化遗产很重要

  2.非物质文化遗产指的是……

  3.为保护非物质文化遗产我们应该……

  参考范文:

  Like tangible cultural heritages such as the Great Wall and the Forbidden City, intangible cultural heritages like Peking Opera and Confucius-commemorating rituals are equally crucial. We should make our utmost efforts to preserve intangible heritages because, without their physical form of existence, they are in greater risk of extinction.

  According to UNESCO' s Convention for the Safeguarding of Intangible Cultural Heritage (2003), all forms of social customs and habits, folklore, performing arts, rituals, oral traditions, festivals, traditional crafts and various knowledge and practices about nature and universe can be classified as intangible cultural heritages. As a country consisting of a great diversity of ethnic groups and with time-honored history and civilization, China abounds in intangible cultural heritages. Cultural heritages connect modern people with the historical past, allowing them to acquire a cultural and historical identity. Without cultural heritages, we would be rendered absolutely rootless and we would find it hard to cope with challenges at present and in the future.

  However, the modernization process poses mounting threats to intangible heritages. Many people have a blind faith in the latest electronic devices. It is also pathetic to see elderly people in possession of such legacies pass away without transmitting them to the younger generation. Faced with those challenges, we should both preserve and renovate our ancestral heritages so that we can help contribute to the cultural diversity of the world and return to our spiritual homeland in this age of impersonal science and technology.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇40

  Directions:

  Study the following cartoon carefullyand write an essay in which you should

  1) describe the cartoon,

  2) interpret its meaning, and

  3) point out its implications in our life.

  范文:

  In the black and white drawing above, a youth gravely contemplates a narrow winding pathheading into a forest. Perhaps he thinks that his own future may be much like this path; full ofbends and curves, thorns and traps. The road to success is never anything but uneven and difficult.

  In fact, one could even say that the more successful one's life is, the more problems andhardships one must have overcome. The ability to work through difficult situations andunfortunate events only makes one stronger and more capable. Given that the road tohappiness always contains obstacles and setbacks, we should be well prepared for thehardships that life inevitably brings, and abandon the idea that life is smooth or easy. Wemust accept the fact that failures are unavoidable, whether they are failures in examinations,in finding a job, or carrying out a task. People who accept that their life will not always be simpleor calm are better able to handle problems when they arise. Those who are upset by each andevery small setback ― and there are many people with such attitudes― do not have muchpotential. Failure is mother to success as it can strengthen one's will. Those who can drawlessons from failure are destined for success.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇41

  Directions:

  Study the following drawing carefullyand write an essay in which you should

  1) describe the drawing,

  2) interpret its meaning, and

  3) support your view with examples.

  【范文】

  Groups of bees work together to produce honey. Their great efforts are not selfish,however, as the amount of honey they produce is for an entire group rather than a singleindividual.

  The drawing above suggests that people should selflessly dedicate themselvesto theircommunity as a whole. This spirit of dedication requires faith. Selfless hard work is anembodiment of responsibility and strength.

  The health of nations requires a spirit of devotion. Chinese teachers, doctors and athleteswho all work for the benefit of their country, for example, aredevoting themselves regardless offame or fortune. They are dedicated to the society they live within. No matter what type ofjob one holds, one should work hard and in earnest to improve one's community.

  The results of dedication, however, depend not only on one's willingness to give but alsoon one's ability. If you are enthusiastic about devoting yourself to your country, but do nothave the skills it takes to do so, you cannot effect much change. The more competent, one is,the greater one's contribution. Therefore, it is essential that students focus on their studiesand enhance their skills in order to properly give back to society.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇42

  Direction:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic

  Getting to Know the World outside the Campus. You should write at least 150 words, and base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

  1) 大学生了解社会的必要性。

  2) 了解社会的途径(大众媒介、社会服务等)

  3)你打算怎么做。

  Getting to Know the World outside the Campus

  It is of great significance for a college student to know the world outside the campus. In this fast-developing “Information Age”, college students must keep pace with the progress of the world.

  Additionally, by contacting the offcampus world, college students can have chance to get more practical skills. Therefore, how to know the world outside the campus is worth our attention.

  Many ways can be adopted by our college students to increase our knowledge of the world. Firstly,mass media, such as radios, televisions, newspapers and the Internet, are a good choice, by which we can be well informed about what is happening. Secondly, providing volunteer services is an efficient way to contact and know the society. Thirdly, we can take parttime jobs to increase our practical experience.

  As for me, I will try to create and grasp more chances to contact the society. In my opinion, getting to know the offcampus world is as important as improving academic performance. On balance, I suggest every college student should not confine himself to the campus but often go outside.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇43

  Direction:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic High Salaries or Career Development?

  You should write at least 120 words and base you composition on the outline below:

  1) 有的大学毕业生选择工作时看中高工资,而有些则认良好的职业发展空间才是更重要的;

  2) 阐述他们各自的'理由;

  3) 表明你的选择,为什么?

  Sample:

  High Salaries or Career Development?

  There is a heated debate over what kind of job college graduates should choose. It is commonly accepted that great attention should be focused on the jobs that promise high salaries. In contrast,others show a preference for the jobs that offer chances to learn skills and advancement possibilities.

  People holding the first view think that high salaries will result in more happiness. (They take it for granted that) with more money in hand, they will be able to enjoy a rich life. Otherwise, they will suffer from frustration and depression. However, the holders on the second view argue that people should develop their skills as roundly as possible. (In their view,) it is career development that counts most. Without development, people will be outrun by others and fall behind times.

  Weighing up these two arguments, it is safe to say that career development is the right choose. first of all, career development may bring us long-term satisfaction while high salary would give us short-term happiness. Besides, a good career development will bring high salaries sooner or later. Therefore, I will give my vote to the career development first and then high salaries.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇44

  Direction:

  1、随着现代化的不断加速发展,全世界的物质生活水平不断攀升,但人们却日益受到“亚健康”这种不良状态的威胁。

  2、亚健康的具体表现及在我国的'蔓延程度(据调查,北京75%、上海72%、广州70%的上班族都处于亚健康状态)

  范文:

  With the modernization of the world, people' s standard of living has improved a lot. Then there appears a state of sub-health among people which poses a new threat to them.

  There are some tpical symptoms for people who are in a state of sub-health. First of all, those who suffer from it often have a headache or backache. Secondly, they feel like having a rest frequently. What upsets us most is that, the situation spreading countrywide. As a result, more and more workers in big cities are harassed by it, with a percentage of 75 in Beijing, 72 in Shanghai and 70 in Guangzhou respectively.

  Then how can we sovle this problem effectibely? Experts suggest that the best way to keep ourselves thealthy is to do exercises. It is also very important that people should form a good living habit, for example, getting up early and going to sleep early. Only doing so can we keep us healthy.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇45

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic Silence Is Not Always Gold. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:

  1. 在现代社会中,“沉默是金”不一定是好事

  2. 请举例说明

  3. 总结全文

  【范文】

  Silence Is Not Always Gold

  “Silence is gold” is a popular saying in which many people have belief. To these people speaking too much is not a merit. However, if you always keep silent, you will probably miss many golden opportunities instead of obtaining the gold of silence. Last week I read an article written by an office lady. The company where she worked had two kinds of offices: cubicle office and window office. As a new employee she worked in a cubicle office together with twenty colleagues. Two years later she still worked there but some colleagues who came later than her had moved into the window office. She felt confused. One day one colleague told her that window office wasn' t obtained without request. But believing that she certainly gained one if she did a good job the woman had never asked for it. From the woman' s experience we learn that silence is not always gold. In the modern society one needs to speak his mind and speak for his own interests.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇46

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay on the topic of create a green campus. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below:

  1.建设绿色校园十分重要

  2.绿色校园不仅指绿色环境

  3.为了建设绿色校园我们应该……

  范文

  In recent years, extravagance and waste have become increasingly serious in some of the university campus. We can see that papers, bottles and cans are thrown away after use; food is wasted just because of its poor taste; clothes are discarded simply owing to their old fashion. As a consequence, people in mounting numbers put great emphasis on creating a green campus.

  There are at least two criteria to distinguish what is green campus. On the one hand, natural resources must be conserved and made full use of, for example, we, as college students, should take the wise use of papers and second-hand textbooks into account. On the other hand, education to build up thrift habits must be promoted by relevant departments and professionals at various levels.

  Accordingly, it is necessary for us to take effective steps. For one thing, university authorities should respond with the demand for more rigid conservation of our natural resources, such as water, electricity, and so on. For another, we should enhance the awareness of college students that creating a green campus is of utmost significance to both our society and ourselves.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇47

  Direction:

  1.近年来学术造假现象越来越普遍

  2.学术造假现象造成的影响

  3.我的观点

  参考范文:

  In recent years, the problem of academic fraud has become increasingly serious on university campuses and more and more people voice growing concern over it.

  Such a phenomenon has brought many unfavorable consequences. To begin with, there is no doubt that it has blocked the country‘s scientific development. Second, the confession of some reputable professors that they have plagiarized others works seriously undermines the public trust in intellectual integrity. Last but not least, scholars lacking in professional integrity exert a bad influence on young students, who followed the trend instead of pursuing innovation.

  It is more than necessary that all the relevant departments join in the efforts to fight against this notorious phenomenon. As to the administrations concerned, it is high time for them to take effective measures to curb the misconduct and encourage creativity in academic field. More over, it is crucial for the government to oversee the work of researchers. Only when every member of the society realizes the harm brought by academic dishonesty can we put an end to the abominable practice.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇48

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay on the topic Do We Need “Never give up”? You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below in Chinese:

  1.“永不言弃”一直被认为是一种积极的生活态度,是个人成功的关键因素

  2.但是,也有人认为适当的放弃才是明智的.选择

  3.你对此的看法及理由

  英语四级范文参考:

  It is widely accepted that “Never give up”, a strong and positive life attitude, is the key for individual success on the grounds that permanent persistence may boost our confidence, strengthen our will, and provide us a second chance for success when we are in hardship. However, others argue that sensible abandonment is more precious than blind persistence because the wise one should choose the most suitable area for him-self/herself.

  In my opinion, we need to learn to give up timely. The most immediate reason is that we should adjust our aim carefully in order to go ahead continuously. Sometimes, to give up those unrealistic targets is essential for success. Besides, the attitude “Never give up” exhausts us both mentally and physically. Only through learning to give up can we lead a pleasant and relaxing life. Finally, the temporary comprise means a new start, a beginning bringing new hopes, expectations and opportunities for us.

  Passive as giving up sounds alike, it represents a more mature and realistic mentality. If those opposing this attitude can take into consideration of its benefits, then this may seem acceptable in our lives.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇49

  Directions:

  For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic: My View on the Long Holidays. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given in Chinese below:

  1.休长假带来的'好处;

  2.长假所带来的不利方面;

  3.你的看法。

  范文参考:

  The further development of economy in China has brought the more entertainment and leisure to people' s life. A case in point is the long holiday such as the National Day, in which people can spend one week or so enjoying themselves in different ways, especially going shopping and traveling. It has been agreed that the long holiday may bring much more benefit to both the customer and the businessmen.

  On the other hand, however, the long holiday also brings much expectable problems to the society. First, too many visitors in the long holidays have caused the strain in traffic. Second, the visitors like to go to the well-known interesting places, which may lead to the serious damage to the nature and the scene.

  In my view, people need such long holidays, and what really matters is how to guide people in their entertainment. For example, it is advisable that people try to avoid going shopping or traveling in the rush days. Anyway, the long holiday is a good idea of satisfying both the people and the merchants.

  英语四级作文 范文 篇50

  Directions:

  Write a speech on the opening of aconference of no less than 120 words. In your speech,you should:

  1.进行自我介绍;

  2.详细介绍大会内容;

  3.结束语。

  英语四级作文范文:

  Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, welcome toBeijing! To begin with, I would like to make a brief introduction to myself. I am the president of Motorola (China) Electronics Ltd.

  The following is my introduction to the conference. First, it is my great honor to be herewith all of you and declare open the Conference of International Trade Cooperation. Second, onbehalf of our company, I would like to express my heart felt welcome to all the guests and delegates. Last, I believe our cooperative efforts are sure to be productive.

  I wish all of you enjoy yourselves during this conference and hope the above information will help you. If you have any question for me, please feel free to ask at any time. Thank you foryour attention.

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    教育教学完成情况总结

    教育教学完成情况总结(通用11篇)  总结就是对一个时期的学习、工作或其完成情况进行一次全面系统的回顾和分析的书面材料,它可以给我们下一阶段的学习和工作生活做指导,不如我们来制定一份总结吧。那么总结应该包括什么内容呢?以下是小编为大家收集的教育教学完成情况总结,供大家参考借鉴,希望可以帮助到有需要的朋友。  教育教学完成情况总结 1  岁月如梭,转眼间一个学期又结束了。在这一个学期中,我担任二、四年级美术教学工作。在工作中我享受到了收获与喜悦,也在工作中发现一些存在的问题。我对这一个学期中的美术课教学工作总结如下:  一、教学计划贯彻情况  教学中认真遵照教学大纲要求,认真贯彻党的教育方针,坚持思想教育和技能教育,大力推广素质教育,按时按质地完成了本学期的教育教学工作。  二、努力抓好教学工作  在教育教学工作中,我认真遵照《美术课程标准》的要求,遵循美术教育原则,根据学校的实际情况以及学生的年龄特征制定出切实可行的教学计划。同时在课堂上认真上好每一节课,把自己所学的知识尽心的传授给学生,使学生学到了一定的基础知识,掌握了美术的基本技能和技巧,同时也学会了判断美和创造美,提高了学生学习美术的能力。在美术教学中,我注重面向全体学生,以学生发展为本,培养学生的人文精神和审美能力。因此,我认为兴趣是学习美术的基本动力,我充分发挥美术教学的特有魅力,使课程内容形式和教学方式都能激发学生的学习兴趣,并使这种转化成持久的情感态度。同时将美术课程内容与学生的生活经验紧密联系在一起,强调了知识和技能在帮助学美化生活方面的'作用,使学生在实际生活中领悟美术的独特魅力。于是,我选择了绘画基础较好的学生上黑板来做示范,利用同桌帮助一些不会绘画的同学,使他们在美术学习过程中,逐步体会到美术学习的特征,激发部分学生学习美术的兴趣,形成他们应有的基本的美术素养和学习能力。  1、我要认真贯彻本课程标准的精神,关心美术教学的改革和发展,积极进行教学改革实验,努力提高教学质量。处理好思想品德教育、审美教育、能力培养和双基训练的关系。在传授双基、培养能力过程中,加强思想品德教育。充分发挥美术教学情感陶冶的功能,努力培养学生健康的审美情趣,提高学生的审美能力。  2、我一定要加强示范,充分利用展示图片、美术作品及影片、录像片等教学手段和现代教育技术进行直观教学。要贯彻启发式原则,采取多种教学形式,充分调动学生的学习积极性,使他们生动活泼地学习,大胆地进行艺术表现和创造。  三、自身素质  课堂之余,我积极参加学校组织的各种政治业务学习活动,认真订阅教育教学刊物从理论上提高自己,完善自己,并虚心向其他教师学习,取人之长,补己之短,从而使自己能更好地进行教育教学工作,能更快地适应二十一世纪的现代化教学模式。  教育教学完成情况总结 2  本学期,本人担任八(7)班班主任及语文课教学工作。一学期来,本人以学校及年级组工作计划为指导;以加强师德师风建设,提高师德水平为重点,以提高教育教学成绩为中心,以深化课改实验工作为动力,认真履行岗位职责,较好地完成了本学期个人目标任务,现将工作总结如下:  一、加强学习,努力提高自身素质  一方面,认真学习教师职业道德规范、"三个代表"重要思想,不断提高自己的道德修养和政治理论水平;另一方面,认真学习新课改理论,努力提高业务能力,参加自学考试,努力提高自己的学历水平。通过学习,转变了以前的工作观、学生观,使我对新课改理念有了一个全面的、深入的理解,为本人转变教学观念、改进教学方法打好了基础。  二、以身作则,严格遵守工作纪律  一方面,在工作中,本人能够严格要求自己,时时处处以一个 教师的标准来要求自己,模范遵守学校的各项规章制度,做到不迟到、不早退,不旷会。另一方面,本人能够严格遵守教师职业道德规范,关心爱护学生,不体罚,变相体罚学生,建立了良好的师生关系,在学生中树立了良好的形象。  三、强化常规,提高课堂教学效率  本学期,本人能够强化教学常规各环节:在课前深入钻研、细心挖掘教材,把握教材的基本思想、基本概念、教材结构、重点与难点;了解学生的知识基础,力求在备课的过程中即备教材又备学生,准确把握教学重点、难点,不放过每一个知识点,在此基础上,精心制作多媒体课件。备写每一篇教案;在课堂上,能够运用多种教学方法,利用多种教学手段,充分调动学生的多种感官,激发学生的学习兴趣,向课堂45分要质量,努力提高课堂教学效率;在课后,认真及时批改作业,及时做好后进学生的思想工作及课后辅导工作;在自习课上,积极落实分层施教的原则,狠抓后进生的转化和优生的.培养;同时,进行阶段性检测,及时了解学情,以便对症下药,调整教学策略。认真参加教研活动,积极参与听课、评课,虚心向同行学习,博采众长,提高教学水平。一学期来,本人共听课20节,完成了学校规定的听课任务。  四、加强研讨,努力提高教研水平  本学年,本人坚持学校尊重教育课题的研究工作,积极撰写课题实施方案,撰写个案、教学心得体会,及时总结研究成果,共发表论文四篇(省级两篇、地级两篇),完成了学期初自己制定的目标任务,为课题研究工作积累了资料,并积极在教学中进行实践。在课堂教学中,贯彻新课改的理念,积极推广先进教学方法,在推广目标教学法、读书指导法等先进教法的同时,大胆进行自主、合作、探究学习方式的尝试,充分发挥学生的主体作用,使学生的情感、态度、价值观等得到充分的发挥,为学生的终身可持续发展打好基础。  五、正视自我,明确今后努力方向  1、在课堂教学中充分利用多媒体课件,调动了学生的积极性,但对学生基础知识的训练不够,致使课堂教学效率不高;  2、对知识点的检查落实不到位;  3、对学困生的说服教育缺乏力度,虽然也抓了差生,但没有时时抓在手上。  4、教学中投入不够,没能深入研究教材及学生。  下学期改进的措施:  1、进一步加强对新课改的认识,在推广先进教学方法、利用多媒体调动学生学习积极性的同时,努力提高课堂教学的效率。  2、狠抓检查,落实对知识点的掌握。将差生时时放在心上,抓在手上。  3、加强学生的阅读训练,开阔学生的视野,拓宽学生思路,提高学生解决问题的能力;  4、采取措施,加强训练,落实知识点。  5、加强对学生的管理教育,努力教学提高成绩。  教育教学完成情况总结 3  本学期,我严格从各个方面要求自己,结合本班学生的实际情况,使教学工作有计划、有组织、有步骤的开展,虽然从上学期的数学教学转到语文教学上,但也圆满地完成了教学任务。为使今后的工作取得更大的进步,现对本学期的教学工作作出总结,希望能发扬优点,克服不足,总结经验教训,以促进教学工作取得更好的发展。现将本学期的工作总结如下:  一、激发学生学习兴趣,提高学生语文素养  语文是一门充满思想、充满人文精神、充满智慧的学科。在新课改的大背景中,学生的自主学习,培养学生的创新能力,已成为教师关注的热点,讨论、交流、探究等学习方式已成为课堂的主流。我在语文课堂教学中,力求做到让学生变得鲜活,让学生学得兴致盎然,使学生在语文学习中享受学习的乐趣,从而发展学生的语文素养。  (一)、注意新课导入新颖。  “兴趣是更好 的老师”。在教学中,我十分注重培养和激发学生的学习兴趣。譬如,在导入新课,让学生一上课就能置身于一种轻松和谐的环境氛围中,而又不知不觉地学语文。我们要根据不同的课型,设计不同的导入方式。可以用多媒体展示课文的画面让学生进入情景;也可用讲述故事的方式导入,采用激发兴趣、设计悬念……引发设计,比起简单的讲述更能激发学生的灵性,开启学生学习之门。  (二)、培养积极探究习惯,发展求异思维能力。  在语文教学中,阅读者对语言意义、语言情感、语言技巧的感悟,在很大程度上与学生的生活经历、知识积累、认识能力、理解水平有关。为此,在语文教学中,构建语义的'理解、体会,要引导学生仁者见仁,智者见智,大胆,各抒己见。在思考辩论中,教师穿针引线,巧妙点拨,以促进学生在激烈的争辩中,在思维的碰撞中,得到语言的升华和灵性的开发。教师应因势利导,让学生对问题充分思考后,学生根据已有的经验,知识的积累等发表不同的见解,对有分歧的问题进行辩论,体会学无止境的道理。这样的课,课堂气氛很活跃,同时也给了学生更多的自主学习空间,教师也毫不吝惜地让学生去思考,争辩,真正让学生在学习中体验到了自我价值。这一环节的设计,充分让学生表述自己对课文的理解和感悟,使学生理解和表达,输入和输出相辅相成,真正为学生的学习提供了广阔的舞台。  二、重视朗读品评感悟,让课堂教学“活”起来。  小学语文课本中的每一篇课文都是文质兼美的佳作,其语境描述的美妙,语言运用的精妙,思想表达的深邃,见解阐述的独到,都是引导学生感悟的重要内容。而由于课堂教学时间的有限,课文中的精彩之处没有可能引导学生一一感悟。为了使这些精彩给学生留下整体印象,我们可以在阅读中抓重点,引导学生对语言文字反复诵读,以悟出语言丰富的形象内涵,意义内涵,情感内涵。同时,让学生在感悟的基础上,引导学生居高临下地对课文进行品评,在品评中深化理解,升华认识。  三、注重课内外结合。  在新的课程改革的大背景下,要注重学生的课内外的结合,以课堂学习为核心,能动地向学生的学校生活、家庭生活、社会生活等各个生活领域自然延伸和拓展,使课堂训练与课外行为训练形成有序  教育教学完成情况总结 4  随着时间的匆匆而过,一个繁忙的学期又结束了,现将本学期教学工作如下总结: 教学工作, 课前,我精心备课,认真准备,紧密结合《课程标准》制定教学计划,同时也要求学生认真预习,独立思考,认真完成作业,培养学生良好的学习习惯。  教学中,我进行了有的放矢的讲解,采用多媒体课件,运用动画的课文朗读,调动学生学习语文的积极性,让学生在轻松愉快的氛围中学到知识。课堂中采用自主、合作、探究的学习方法进行教学,运用学习小组的形式进行互助。运用多种方法,培养学生爱阅读课外书籍的良好习惯,提高学生的写作能力,三年级是学生写作的正式开始。首先积累大量的词汇,每周格言让孩子知道更多的格言,充分利用课前一分钟,借助故事,作文佳作,让学生边听边记好词好句,我针对一些写作能力较差的孩子指导看书,并要求他们说说自己在这篇文章中学到了什么。第二坚持每周进行一次小练笔,并把 的文章张贴在班级专栏。  课后,我认真批改作业,找到学生的'不足与差距,做到查缺补漏。凡是课本中要求掌握的知识,要求学生必须掌握,并对每一个问题都落到实处,认真检查过关,督促学生做好复习巩固,对基础较薄弱的孩子进行补习,对 的学生要求他们积累课外知识来开阔自己的眼界,并在有时候利用中午时间放一些童话故事给他们欣赏。  为了提高自身素质,我积极参加学校一切教研活动。虚心学习,不断充实自己,经常阅读一些教学书籍,使自己在各方面不断得到提高,使自己的业务水平和教学能力不断增强。  自身的能力有限,教学的经验的不足,本学期的教学还存在的以下的不足:  1、继续训练学生的合作学习的能力。在学习课文的过程中,适当地展开小组学习或分组讨论等多中形式,让学生多想多讲,做到先让学生讲,老师再总结,并让学生在小组中发表见解也倾听别人的见解。  2.写作方面水平还是不够好,差异太大。班上有些学生的写作水平不是很好,有些孩子的作文依旧还是200个字,还有向王丹那样的孩子看到作文就一个字也不动笔。这是我需要继续努力的方向。  3、和家长的联系交流不够,没有达到家长和老师双方的合作双赢。 综上所述,我在本学期里,不断更新自己的教学理念,严格要求自己,时刻注意汲取他人的长处,弥补自己的不足,兢兢业业的做好自己的教学工作,尽量做到更好 ,努力完成学校各项教学任务。总之,作为语文教师,我在兢兢业业、认真备好上好每节课的同时,努力提高自己的文化素质和专业水平,积极探索、尝试新的教法。今后,我会用更活泼更生动的教学吸引学生,用温文尔雅的人格魅力影响学生,用积极向上、认真负责的行为教育学生,为做一名合格、称职的语文教师而不懈努力。  教育教学完成情况总结 5  班主任工作是一项十分平凡甚至十分繁琐的工作,但正是在这平凡和繁琐之下,却蕴含着这项工作的重大意义。因此,在本学期的班主任工作中,为了能搞好本班的班风、学风,促进学生全面发展,提高学生德、智、体、美、劳等多方面的素质,我在担任三年级的班主任工作时,主要做了以下几方面的工作:  一、日常行为规范的落实  虽然以前班主任一直在抓日常行为规范,但我觉得都不是特别到位。这学期在我新的要求下,三年级从各个方面重新落实日常行为规范。每天有专人负责检查出勤情况;有专人负责教室及卫生区卫生;有专人负责课堂及课外纪律;有专人负责文明礼貌及行为举止;有专人负责学习情况。一个学期下来,日常行为规范落实效果良好。  二、干部队伍的组建和培养  大力表扬干部优点,宣传他们的先进事迹,帮助班干部树立威信;在鼓励干部大胆工作,指点他们工作方法的同时,更严格要求干部个人在知识、能力上取得更大进步,在纪律上以身作则,力求从各方面给全班起到模范带头作用,以点带面。  三、思想品德的教育  班主任的基本任务是对学生进行思想品德教育,使他们的身心得到全面健康的发展。对于三年级的学生来说,正是接受各方面教育的更佳 时机,除了学习,我想更为重要的是教会他们认识世界,明辨是非,学习怎样做人。因此我经常利用班会、上课、课余时间加强思想品德教育。  四、狠抓教育教学工作  跟任科老师密切配合,从抓学习态度入手,培养学生学习的积极性,抓好每天的教育教学工作。这学期,我们班整体学习风气浓厚,有一种比学赶帮的氛围。在学生之间形成了以不按时完成作业为耻,以上课认真听讲、高质量的完成作业和考试成绩优异为荣。  五、注重后进生的转化工作  在后进生的转化方面,我分了两类,一种是仅学习成绩差的;一种是行为习惯、纪律方面差的。我针对各自的特点及后进的原因,对症下药,长期不懈地去辅导教育他们,感觉都有了不同的进步,期末考试成绩纷纷都达到 。  六、反思自己的.工作,以后努力的方向  1、学生大了,教育教学方法要随之灵活多变去适应他们。  2、学习累,要如何让他们学好又轻松?有兴趣不厌学?  3、对边缘生的辅导要继续抓好,还须更耐心的辅导。  总之,小学班主任工作的内容是复杂的,任务是繁重的。但是,只要我们真诚地捧着一颗“爱心”,加深自己的理论修养,在实践中不断完善自己,形成系统科学的班主任工作方法,是完全能够干得非常出色而游刃有余的。下学期,我将扬长避短,竭尽全力,把三年级班主任工作做得做的更好。  教育教学完成情况总结 6  在20xx的一年里,随着医院环境的改善,对护理工作也提出了更高的要求,特别是通过这一年我院“三乙评审”的准备及验收工作,让我们懂得我们面对的不仅仅是医院的荣誉,更重要的是我们作为医院一员的责任与义务,我们骨科护理队伍以此为契机,狠抓护理服务质量,严格落实规章制度,加强业务、技术训练,打造一支具有凝聚力的护理队伍。围绕护理部总体目标,在护理部的统一布署下,我们首先从思想上统一了认识:一个医院护理水平的高低、服务质量的好坏和管理体制的优劣,必须接受上级主管部门的检验、证实。医院要生存,要发展,就必须抓住这次难得的机遇通过审核。“现将我科护理工作总结如下:  一、认真落实各项规章制度  1、重申了各级护理人员职责,明确了各类岗位责任制和护理工作制度  2、落实了护理十五项核心制度、各种应急预案、工作质量标准等等例如查对制度:  (1)要求每天医嘱双人核对,每天查对一次,每周护士长参加总核对1~2次,并有记录;  (2)护理操作时要实行床边双人核对及使用二种以上对患者识别的方法  (3)手术患者与手术室护士做好交接患者等。防止护理不良事件发生。  3、认真落实骨科、手外科护理常规及十大安全目标,专科护理安全指引,做好护理质量持续改进与提高,加强护理风险管理,全科护理人员统一思想,提高认识,全面有效地提升了护理服务质量,为病人提供创新、人性化服务,得到了病人的称赞。  4、开展“优质护理服务”活动,落实护理部制定的争创优质示范病区的方法和措施,实行了人性化弹性排班,简化护理工作流程,做到把护士还给病人。  二、提高护理人员业务素质  1、以创三级医院为楔机对科室护理人员进行各方面知识、专科理论、专科技能、并组织理论、操作考试。  2、参加医院组织业务学习,以提高专业知识。  3、落实护理查房制度,科室每周执行三级护理查房1-2次,对护理诊断、护理措施进行了探讨,并以提问的方式进行,内容为基础理论知识和骨科知识,以达到提高护士业务素质的目的。  4、加强了危重病人的护理,坚持了床头交接班制度和晨间护理。  5、实行分级培训,对各不同年资的护士执行不同的培训计划。  三、抓好质量管理。  1、针对护理工作中存在的难点、焦点问题,设置工作重点,坚持把以“病人为中心”的人文护理理念融入更多实际具体的工作细节。  2、使规范化护理质量标准落到实处,渗透、贯穿、落实到每个护士全程工作中去,使护理质量管理有章可循,形成一个良性循环。从病人的角度评价护理质量,把病人的满意度作为评价护理质量的重要指标,让患者真正从质量管理中得到实惠  3、责任护士的职责落实,患者从入院到出院的整个过程由责任护士负责,纳入质量管理。制定可行的应知应会考核计划,每周严格按计划进行考核,做到人人过关,充分调却每一位护士的能动性、主动性。  4、护士长、质按小组成员每天质控新入病人、重点病人、危重病人护理记录,针对环节质控和终末质控中发现的问题及时与当事人沟通,及时纠正整改,规范护理文书书写。定期进行护理质量缺陷分析与改进,强化责任护士对护理工作的质控。  5、护士长现场管理,“三查房”取得显著效果。早查房:上班后重点查夜班护理质量;晨会后参加床头交接班查房;医嘱下达后查房:重点查医嘱执行和护理措施落实情况;下午上班后查房:查看连续工作及完成情况同时深入病房征求病人意见及时整改护理工作;晚查房:下午下班前查看病危、手术、输血等病人的交接记录情况。通过“以病人为中心,以解决问题为根本”的“三查房”现场管理模式督导各班次护理工作的执行和落实情况,及时拾遗补漏,关注病人、环境、设备、医嘱等问题。  6、根据护理部的要求定期收集病人对护理工作意见,并在护士站公示分级护理标准。落实核心制度,建立健全病区安全警示标识。重视 沟通,加强关键环节沟通,建立和谐医患、护患、医护关系  7、重视急诊急救及突发事件的培训:根据护理部制定的各种突发事件的应急预案,严格要求每一个护士认真模拟演练,通过真实的演练,大大提高了我科护土应急反应能力、急救技能,同时进行多种形式急救程序、心肺复苏、急救约物知识、急救仪器使用培训等。抢救仪器、药品、应急设备定人负责、每日检查、及时维修,保证随时处于备用状态。  8、对新上岗的护士、工作能力差的护士以及实习护士进行重点管理;实行高年资与低年资、工作能力强与工作能力弱的护士搭配进行值班,提高护士独立值班时的慎独精神,不定期在重点时间段查房,加强各个环节监督和管理,提高护理质量水平保障护理安全。  四、整理好护理流程和告知。  1、合理的护理工作流程是日常工作顺利实施的基础,我们在基础护理、专科护理、健康宣教方面要有合理的工作流程,指导护士进行日常工作。  2、有效的护理告知是病人配合的必备工作,我们将完善入院、体位、治疗、特殊注意事项、专科康复的告知。  五、护理安全管理  1、保证护理质量的持续改进,科室成立以护十长为首的健康教育、护理病历书写、消毒隔离、基础护理等质量管理小组。发现问题及时记录、总结。  2、每周至少二次接受护理部下科室严格检查、每天院总值班护士长晚间质量检查,没有规矩不成方圆,在护理部高密度的检查监督的大环境下,使每一个护士养成了良好的工作慎独精神。每个人都高度重视检查结果。护士长深人病房,跟班检查,对一系列检查发现的问题及时召开护理质量与护理安全分析会,针对护理缺陷、差错,分析原因、制定整改措施并督促落实,保证护理质量的持续改进。  3、重点时段、重点环节、重点人员、特殊病人的`管理重点时段是指交接班时间、午班、夜班、休息日、节假日。这些时段工作人员少。护士易出错。患者易产生不满情绪。重点环节是术前、术后、危重、抢救等较繁忙、处置较多环节。重点人员是指危重病人、手术病人、病情特殊变化病人,还有新护士、进修实习护士、常出现差错护士;特殊病人是指转科和转院的病人、有医疗纠纷或有意见的病人、领导关照的病人、本院职工认识的病人等。实践证明,这些人员身上往往存在不安全因素。护士长要加强跟踪检查,合理调配护理人力资源,以保证各个环节的工作质量。  4、加强制度建设,保障患者安全:  ①根据患者安全目标,进一步完善各项患者安全制度与规范,如患者身份识别制度、特殊药品管理制度、药物使用后不良反应的观察制度和程序等,提高护理人员对患者身份识别的准确性和提高用药安全性,保障患者护理安全。  ②监督各项护理安全制度的落实:如对病房药柜内药物存放、使用、限额、定期核查进行督查,注射药、内服药、外用药严格分开放置,医嘱转抄和执行时有严格核对程序且有签字,控制静脉输注滴速等。  ③加强执行医嘱的环节管理:强化执行医嘱的准确性,有疑问时及时与医生核对,静脉输液要求落实双核对,发药时使用治疗车和服药本,进行各项操作时主动向病人或家属解释取得理解和配合,在进行导尿、静脉留置针等操作时,应明确交待注意事项,防止管道滑脱等。  5、完善护理文件记录,减少安全隐患。重视现阶段护理文书存在问题,规范护理文件记录,避免不规范的书写,如漏字、前后矛盾,与医生记录不统一等,既要体现综合护理问题记录,又要体现专科症状的特殊性,使护理文件标准化和规范化。  6、推行弹性排班,完善绩效考核。为挖掘人力资源潜力,满足实际工作需要和患者需求,推行了护理人员弹性排班制,在治疗、护理高峰时段或护理工作量激增时护士长启动“紧急状况下护士调配预案”调整护士班次,保障紧急状态下护理安全与护理质量。  六、扎实稳步推进优质护理服务  1、落实优质护理服务重点工作:  (1)倡导主动服务,提供人性化护理。优质服务不仅仅停留在“门好进,脸好看,话好听”这种表面的层次是远远不够的,要强调相互之间良好的护患沟通,要关注服务对象的感受,要通过具体的行为举止把你的欢迎之意、尊敬之意、热情之意传递给病人,才能让病人真正感受到我们的医护服务,品味出我们的优质所在,深化改革护理工作模式,根据分级护理的原则和要求,明确临床护理内涵及工作规范,切实落实落实基础护理,建立健全护理常规、操作规程,对患者提供全面、全程的护理。  (2)充分调动护士积极性,提倡科室管理人人参与,鼓励护士从提高科室护理质量为前题,推进优质护理服务,以“三好一满意”为目标,为科室献计献策,最终达到医院创建三级医院的目标  2、根据自身实际,积极采取多种措施,不断加强内涵建设,扎实稳步推进优质护理服务:  (1)临床护理服务充分体现专科特色,增强人文关怀意识,倡导人性化服务,继续推广各专科特色温情服务。  (2)对护理人员进行护士日常礼仪培训,如服务规范、电话礼仪、敲门礼仪、床头交接班等。每天护士长带领护士床头交接班时,责任护士做好自我介绍,同时每个病房悬挂我科自行设计的责护牌,便于病人对所管病房护士工作的监督,提高护理人员服务素质。  (3)在护士岗位技能培训中,进一步规范并重点培训护理操作用语、护患沟通技巧,以培养护士树立良好的职业形象,优质护理活动的开展强化了护士的责任感,增进了护患间交流与沟通。  (4)护理部和护士长采取科学的监控措施,不断督促、落实、提高。  教育教学完成情况总结 7  本学期,我从各方面严格要求自己,结合本班学生的实际情况,使教学工作有计划、有组织、有步骤地开展,虽然从上个学期的数学学科教学转到语文教学上,但也圆满地完成了教学任务。为使今后的工作取得更大的进步,现对本学期教学工作作出总结,希望能发扬优点,克服不足,总结经验教训,以促进教学工作取得更好地发展。  一、认真备课  不但备学生而且备教材备教法,根据教材内容及学生的实际,设计课的类型,拟定采用的教学方法,并对教学过程及时间安排都作了详细的记录,认真写好教案。每一课都做到“有备而来”,每堂课都在课前做好充分的准备,课后及时对该课作出总结,积极地进行反思。  二、增强上课技能,提高教学教学质量  在课堂上特别注意调动学生的积极性,加强师生交流,充分体现学生学得容易,学得轻松,觉得愉快,培养学生多动口动手动脑的习惯。  三、积极地学习教学中遇到的问题  在教学上,有疑必问。通过书籍、资料、上网等查阅,向其它老师求教,直到弄明白为止。同时,多与老师们进行交流,学习别人的优点,克服自己的不足。  四、认真批改作业  布置作业有针对性,有层次性。对学生的作业批改及时,认真分析并记录学生的作业情况,将他们在作业过程出现的问题做出分类总结,进行讲评,并针对有关情况及时改进教学方法,尽可能地使学生适应自己的教学方法。  五、做好课后辅导工作  注意分层教学。在课后,为不同层次的学生进行相应的辅导,以满足不同层次的学生的需求,同时加大了对后进生的辅导的力度。对后进生的辅导,并不限于学生知识性的辅导,更重要的是学生思想的'辅导,提高后进生的成绩,首先解决他们的心结,让他们意识到学习的重要性和必要性,使之对学习萌发兴趣。这样,后进生的转化,就由原来的简单粗暴、强制学习转化到自觉的求知上来。  六、认真搞好了期末总复习  本期的复习,时间非常有限,而且内容较多,任务也相对繁重。通过老师的指导,使学生掌握了目的要求,明确了重难点及关键,拟定好了时间分配情况,对重要的知识点进行了还原,帮助学生梳理了本学期的知识脉络。  七、今后工作打算  在下学期的教学工作中要特别注重后进学生的转化工作,多花心思和时间在他们身上。同时, 学生的比例有待提高,要帮助学生走出写作文难的困境,使好的学生成绩更上一层楼。  教育教学完成情况总结 8  本学期度,我担任高二化学(7至9班共3个教学班)的化学教学,在这一个学期的工作中,我认认真真、勤勤恳恳完成我的教学工作。经过我的努力工作和不断学习,我有了很多的感触。在这里我把我的教学工作情况总结如下。  1.扎扎实实打好基础,拼命赶进度不可取。  根据学生平时答题中存在的问题,与他们平时没有准确地理解和掌握初中化学的基础知识和技能有很大的关系,因而重视和加强基础知识和基本技能的学习仍然是首要的。抓基础知识,就是要抓化学课本知识,教学中力求每章节过关。由于各学生之间的智力差别和学习基础不一样,学生对化学的知识的掌握能力不一样,所以我针对学生现实情况因材施教,尽量降低落后面。那种为了留更多的复习时间而在平时教学中拼命赶进度的做法,必然造成学生对知识的“消化不良”,甚至使部分学习跟不上的学生对化学失去兴趣。  2、调节教学的难度  教学要坚持因材施教原则,本学期的教学任务,难度规定比较大,知识考点也比较多,教学中一定要部署妥当,教学适合学生的胃口,对不一样层次学生有不一样规定。若规定过高、过难,学生接受不了,会产生厌学情绪,成绩更差;若规定过低,学生会感觉太简单、无味,不投入精力学习,成绩平平,甚至后退。所以我在教学中进行分层教学,对不一样层次学生掌握知识的深度、广度规定不一样,开展弹性调节,使每个同学都能得到很好的成长。  3、加强学习办法的指导  特别是对知识基础较好、学习办法得当、学习信心强的学生,重点是指导学生把知识向纵、横两个方向成长,开拓学生思维,让学生学有余味;对原有知识基础一般、学习办法欠佳、学习信心时弱时强的学生,重点是指导学生养成良好的阅读习惯,坚持由学生自己阅读,有利于学生积极思维,形成良好的学习习惯和办法。  4、课堂、课后有分别  不管是难度和广度的调节,还是学习办法的指导,主要通过课堂教学来完成,教师的教法直接影响学生的学法,课堂教学是完成教学中心任务的主战场,是减轻学生负担、提高学生学习效率的主渠道,所以提高课堂效率也就显得尤为重要。在备课时坚持启发性和因材施教的原则,根据化学学科的待点,多做实验,联系生活,从各地方激发学生的学习兴趣,有时候适当利用课件加强教学直观性。注重课堂的节奏、容量大小,充分发挥教师语言的`特点,形成以教师为主导,以学生为主体的教学模式,课后对不一样的学生采取培优补差的方法。  5、积极抓好日常的教学工作程序,使教学工作有效开展  按照学校的规定,我积极认真地做好课前的备课资料的搜集工作,有什么不明白的地方及时提出来与备课组其他老师讨论。强化教学过程的相互学习、研讨。上完课后能与学生及时开展交流,提出不足之处,从正面了解学生的听课效果,及时更正教法的不足之处,以求达到更好的课堂效果。每周至少两次的学生作业,全批全改,发现问题及时解决,及时在班上评讲,及时反馈;学生实验,规定全体学生认真观察并记录实验现象,课后认真书写实验报告;每章至少一份的课外练习题,规定要有一定的知识覆盖面,有一定的难度和深度。  以上是我在这学期化学教学中的几点做法,我会在以后的教学中不断总结,继续深化课堂教学改革,钻研教学大纲(化学课程标准)。基础教育课程改革是教育战线一件非常重要的工作,因此,除了要用新的教学理念武装自己以外,还应结合重难点加以强化,向老教师学习请教,争取更大的进步。  教育教学完成情况总结 9  12月13日,为全面总结中心首批实习生教育管理工作,中心组织召开“20xx年度本科生教学实习总结会”。中心首席专家杨建国教授、实习生带教老师代表、科教信息科相关工作人员和齐齐哈尔医学院实习学生参加了会议。本科生教学实习工作会议由科教信息科副科长韩玉梅主持。  韩玉梅负责本次教学实习工作,她首先对首批实习生整体学习、管理等情况作了简要汇报。20xx年7月,中心迎来齐齐哈尔医学院公共卫生学院10名本科实习生,这也是中心发展历史上 正式承担本科生实习教学任务。中心主任张静波高度重视,亲自部署具体工作方案,协调实习工作安排。面对学生实习安排、教学管理、后勤管理等多重挑战,在中心领导有力指导下,在各部门配合下,科教信息科高效建立了相关教学制度、实习任务安排和实习总结工作,圆满完成了首批实习生的实习工作。  实习学生魏巍、蒲纪元等依次发言,汇报了为期半年的实习工作收获和体会。他们报告时纷纷表示,本次实习工作必成为他们人生路上非常重要的学习经历,对卫生健康事业有了更加深入的理解,更加坚定了毕业后投身祖国卫生健康事业的决心,并对北京市体检中心各位老师的指导、关心表示衷心感谢。  专项业务科科长窦紫岩、医学检验科副主任魏红、健康管理科夏国宝主任、丰台体检部超声科张蔚|主任对实习生工作期间表现进行了点评。杨建国教授代表中心对实习生圆满完成各项实习任务表示祝贺,感谢同学们在这半年的时间里对体检中心发展所做出的贡献,也对各部门带教老师的`教导表示感谢。他指出,各位学生在实习期间学习和工作表现都很出色,大家积极参与工作、遵守中心制度和劳动纪律、认真学习业务技能、努力提高自身素质,希望学生们返校后加强学习,努力提升自己学识、学历;参加工作后牢记医学生誓言,坚守医学初心,做一名 的卫生健康战士,为守卫人民健康奉献自己的聪明才智!  本次实习工作得到北京市疾病预防控制中心的大力支持,先后有6名学生在市疾控中心进行3个月的实习,得到相关部门教学老师的精心指导。同时,本次学生实习工作也得到《健康体检与管理》杂志社大力支持,为助力实习生顺利完成在京实习,杂志社特设立了助学项目,提供勤工俭学机会,帮助部分同学完成实习工作。  教育教学完成情况总结 10  转眼一学期的教学工作又结束了,回首一学期的教学工作,有一些收获,但也有不足。现将这学期工作总结如下:  一、同学们的音乐素养越来越好。  在教学中,我坚持以审美教育为核心,注重培养学生对音乐的兴趣。努力做到通过音乐教育陶冶情操、启迪智慧、激发学生对美的爱好和追求。以学生为主体让学生在愉快中学。  二、取得的成绩  1、在教学中,运用范唱方式启发学生有感情地演唱。  2、在唱歌教学中,引导学生演唱时要有良好的演唱姿势、正确的呼吸、准确的发音、清晰的咬字吐词,另一方面是逐步要求学生做得自然、音色圆润,不断提高唱歌的艺术技巧。  三、存在的问题和改进措施  游戏活动设计较少,吸引学生兴趣不够,在以后教学中我会多为学生设计一些音乐游戏课件,来提高学生学习的积极性。  在以后教学中,我要多让学生听好听的.音乐,唱好听的歌曲,培养他们的兴趣。平时多加强自身基本功训练。提高课堂教学水平,不断努力创新。  四、其他方面取得的成绩及不足  我指导的学生王艺璇获镇沅第二届“欢乐茶乡梦想起航”小学组独唱一等奖。钟芸筱获葫芦丝独奏二等奖。  总之,这学期的工作有收获,也有很多需要改进的地方,今后要多努力把工作做得更好。  教育教学完成情况总结 11  本学期由于学校实际工作需要,我承当了四年级、二年级两个班的美术教育教学工作。现对一年工作总结如下:  (一)激发学生学习美术的兴趣  兴趣是学习美术的基本动力。教师应充分发挥美术教学特有魅力,使课程内容呈现形势和教学方式都能激发学生的学习兴趣,并使这种兴趣转化成持久的情感态度。同时将美术课程内容与学生的生活经验紧密联系在一起,强调了知识和技能在帮助学生美化生活方面的作用,使学生在实际生活中领悟美术的独特价值。  (二)使学生形成基本的美术素养  在美术教学中,我注重面向全体学生,以学生发展为本,培养他们的`人文精神和审美能力,为促进学生健全人格的形成,促进他们全面发展奠定良好的基础。因此,我选择了基础的、有利于学生发展的美术知识和技能,结合过程和方法,组成课程的基本内容。同时,要课程内容的层次性,适应不同素质的学生,使他们在美术学习过程中,逐步体会美术学习的特征,形成基本的美术素养和学习能力,为终身学习奠定基础。  (三)教师自身素质的培养  教学之余,我除认真参加学校及教研组组织的各种政治业务学习外,还订阅了教育教学刊物,从理论上提高自己,完善自己,并虚心向其他教师学习,取人之长,补己之短。从而使自己更好地进行教育教学工作上能更快地适应二十一世纪的现代化教学模式。

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    小学生经典笑话

    小学生经典笑话(精选175个)  笑话具有篇幅短小,故事情节简单而巧妙,往往出人意料,给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象,具有讽刺性和娱乐性。以下是小编整理的小学生经典笑话,希望对大家有所帮助。  笑话1、不知道先生  调皮的布朗因上课常开小差,在老师的提问面前总是哑口无言,所以被同学们称为"不知道先生"。  有一次,布朗想报复一下老师,所以问:"我看见一样东西,没有腿,从厨房的地板上溜过,老师,你说那是什么呢?"  老师想来想去,终于说"不知道"。  布朗一本正经解释道:"那是水。"  笑话2、想得到太多  有 晚上,丈夫吃请回来,高兴地对妻子说:"今天我们公司的经理请一部分职员吃饭,大家都开怀畅饮,席间,经理拿出三瓶威士忌,对大家说:在座的诸位,你们谁一生中从没有背叛过自己的妻子,这三瓶酒就归他所有,结果没有一个举手,你说奇怪吗?"  妻子听后好奇地问:"那你怎么不举手?"  丈夫慌张地说:"你是知道的,我向来喜欢喝啤酒,而不喜欢喝威士忌。"  笑话3、以退为进  有人劝法国政论家、哲学家马伯利竞选 研究院院士,马伯利坚决不肯。  他说:"如果我真当选了院士,人们就会说,哼,他怎么当选院士了,一定是……但我宁愿让人们说,他应当是院士。"  笑话4、美女化妆  公司在关外较偏僻的地方,住关内的同事统一到世界之窗站点,6点40分准时乘坐公司班车上班,就住在世界之窗附近的美女小丽却几乎每天都会迟到2、3分钟才赶到上车。  这天早上6点40分,小丽又打电话给司机稍等2分钟,马上就到了。同事们不禁埋怨起来,住在附近还迟到,太不像话了,就不能早几分钟起床?  小刘接口说:“我住小丽对面,她每天都起得比我早很多,只是她每天早上都要化妆1个多小时。”   天上班的小刚闻言,非常吃惊地问了一句:“难道她长得很丑吗?竟然每天都需要花那么长时间化妆。”  笑话5、让座  一位太太上了电车,车上所有的座位都坐满了。有位先生站起来让座,这位太太一声不吭地坐下了。  这时,那位先生转身问道:"太太,您说什么?"  "先生,我什么也没说呀!"  "喔,对不起,太太,我还以为您说谢谢呢。"  笑话6、掩盖谎言  一个"盲"乞丐在墙角向路人请求施舍。当没有路人时,他便把地上的硬币逐个拾起,然后放进衣袋。  "你别装相了!"一个路人识破了他的诡计,愤怒地说,"你根本就不是盲人。"  "是的,先生。我只是来替换每天总是坐在这里的那个真正的盲人,他今天去看电影了,所以请我来替换他。我实在不是盲人,我只是―个哑巴。"  笑话7、我行我素  ―名妇女漫不经心地将汽车停在禁止停车的指示牌下。  交通警赶忙跑到她的车前,问:"夫人,您知道这个指示牌是什么意思吗?"  "不知道,"妇女回答,"如果你对它有兴趣的话不妨去问问路旁小摊的女售货员。"  笑话8、病人差劲  有一位医生,他总不走运,来找他看病的人总是治不好。  他老婆向他道,"我说,你给人看病怎么总是无效呢?这么说,你的医道是很差劲啦。"  "不不,我的医道是高明的。可是病人都差劲,所以治不好。"  "具体说,病人怎么个基劲法呢?"  "我是照医书上写的施行治疗,可是病人们却不按医书上写的那样生病。"  笑话9、作品展出了  "我为画展画了点东西。已经挂出来了,就在人口处旁边最醒目的地方。"  "祝贺你,画的是什么?"  "一块标牌,往左走的路牌。"  笑话10、自恋  女:"亲爱的,你的确喜欢我吗?"  男:"嗯!"  女:"你认为我长得非常漂亮是不是?"  男:"嗯!"  女:"你觉得我的眼睛,像天上的星星那样明亮。我的容貌,如盛开的樱花般美丽。体态是如此的轻盈适度。声音是如此的美妙悦耳,不知要比世界小姐美丽多少倍,是不是?"  男:"嗯!"  女:"哦!真太谢谢你了!你是那么会赞美,我真高兴!"  笑话11、小聪明  汤姆来找吉姆要帐,吉姆躲在家里不敢露面。他见吉姆的鞋放在门旁,知道人一定在家,便上前敲门。  可屋里一点动静也没有,他就大声说:"吉姆,我知道你躲在家里,你的鞋子还放在门边呢?"  从里面传来一个声音:"不,我可以光着脚出去。"  笑话12、好吃  母猪生了一窝猪崽,只只都壮实肥憨可爱。丈夫计算着很快就可把猪崽拿到市场去卖了,那可是一笔不菲的收入,心里不禁窃窃自喜。  有 ,丈夫外出回家,发现少了一只猪崽,便问妻子原因。妻子回答说:让狼给叼走了。他十分生气。过了几天,从外面回来,又发现少了一只,妻子说又是狼叼走了。  于是丈夫便天天守候在家里,果然连续几天狼都没有来过。  这天,丈夫有急事不得不外出,便叮嘱妻子悉心看护着。出到村口,忽然想起忘记拿东西了,便折回家里。刚进门,便看见妻子在厨房忙碌着,满脸烟灰。原来锅里的猪崽就要煮熟了,丈夫怒火中烧,动手打妻子。  妻子还在一旁啼哭,丈夫上前揭开锅盖,只闻到猪肉香味扑鼻,尝了尝,不禁点头称赞:好香!好吃!妻子见状,也即刻破涕为笑连忙说:“还没有放姜呢,放了姜后更香更好吃!”  笑话13、固执己见  一位先生刚刚从电脑商店里买了一台电脑。没几天,电脑就出现了冒烟现象。  他请教了稍懂点电脑的人,别人告诉他去改一下DOS 下的批处理文件。他试了半天没成功,于是打电话商店问该怎么办,商店的经理说:"您把电脑拿来换一台就行了。"  可这位先生硬是坚持说:"我的朋友说只要把DOS下的批处理文件改一下就可以了,何必那么麻烦。"  商店经理对这个"杠头"无可奈何,于是便和他开了个玩笑:"那我告诉你一个微软未公开的技术吧!你在批处理文件中加入一行命令NOSOMKE.EXE,这样就没事了"  过了几天,这位先生又打来电话,说:"不行呀,我加入了那条命令后,电脑还是冒烟"  商店经理说:"你的NOSOMKE 版本太低,你可微软服务部联系一下吧。"  又过了几天,这位可怜人再次打来电话,他告诉商店的经理说:"微软的人说了,我的电脑上的电源与他们的NOSOMKE.EXE 不兼容!"  笑话14、奸商  药商王为仁是个奸商,人们老是挖苦他,说他吃人喝血。  有 他行商回家,经过一条幽暗的山路,忽然从林里跳出一头大狼,向他直扑过来,要咬他的喉头。  "别吃我,我的肉味不好!"  狼说:"味不好?人们说你老是吃人,味一定很美!"  笑话15、自作聪明  小王把写好的稿子放在桌上,出门办事去了,中午回家,发现桌子已被收拾得干干净净,那一迭稿子却不翼而飞了,当他闻到有一股烟味时,忙问妻子:"你烧的是什么?"  妻子回答:"你以为我这么傻,会把没用过的纸烧掉吗?我烧掉的是那些写过字的废纸。"  笑话16、反对  富尔顿 次公开展示他发明的蒸汽船时,没有人相信这东西动得起来。两岸群众不断鼓嘈说:"动不了,动不了, 动不了!"没想到船一下子发动了,夹著蒸汽和鸣鸣声向前驶去。  群众张口结舌看了好一会後,改口说:"停不了,停不了, 停不了!"  笑话17、小象的大便  早上,出门散步的河马非常吃惊。今天空地上非常臭。“哪里臭?哪里臭?”河马边问边找。  鄂鱼、狮子、猴子和刺猬也都围了过来。“哪里臭?哪里臭?”大家正找着,“吧嗒”,“吧嗒”,只见几个大便落在了空地的中央。“哇噻,这么大!”河马说。“是谁的大便啊?”鳄鱼问。“是大象的吧。”狮子说。“真大呀!”猴子说。“说不定是天空的大便哟。”刺猬说。“天空不会拉大便的。”河马笑着说。“不过,有时会拉小便。”鳄鱼说。“也许有时会拉大便。”猴子说。“也许是吧!”大家点头说。  于是,它们一起站在空地上往天上看。  “对不起,对不起,是我的大便。”小象急冲冲地跑来,“我马上打扫干净。”小象开始用鼻子吸沙掩埋大便。  “等一下。”猴子说,“我也想拉这么大的粪便。”  “我也想。”“我也想。”大家一个接一个地说。  然后,它们问小象:“你怎么会拉出这么大的粪便?”  “那是因为我吃得多呀!”小象说。  “真的吗?那我们也得努力吃呀!”大家一起说,“明天早上我们再来悄悄地比一比。”  这下可热闹了。  河马、鳄鱼、狮子、刺猬还有猴子回到家就不停地吃。输给小象,那还得了!  吃啊、吃啊。每个人的肚子都吃得胀鼓鼓的。  第二天早上,大家在空地中央集合。  “一、二、三!”最后还是小象拉的大便个头更大 。  “啊,我的最小。”刺猬难过地说。  “啊,我输了!”河马、鳄鱼、狮子和猴子都难过地说。  “是吧,还是我的更大 !”小象骄傲地扬起了鼻子。  这时,妈妈和爸爸们赶来了,说:“你们干了什么呀,空地上这么臭!打扫干净!赶快打扫!今天就打扫!”  大家吓得跳了起来,慌忙开始打扫。  那么,这次谁是 呢?  得 的是粪便最小的刺猬。  笑话18、地道的口语  小猫就要去美国了,小狗告诉小猫:"你应该学习一些地道的口语,你就能快速获得信息。"  小猫说:"我不想学地道的口语,我不打算在地铁混。"  笑话19、大便后纠结的心理  a:我大便后总是纠结要左手擦屁股还是右手。  b:好恶心!  a:你没有这种困惑吗?  b:从来没有!  a:你通常用哪只手擦?  b:这取决于当时我哪只手拿碗。  笑话20、如此化验  大象病了,蚊子闻讯赶来趴在大象身上亲了一口,正欲离开时被大象叫住问道:"你这是什么,是为我看病吗?"  蚊子说:"是的,我先给你抽血化验,明天找我拿结果。"说完哼着小曲飞走了。  笑话21、举红牌  动物足球赛:乌龟、螃蟹、青蛙死活不让天鹅做裁判。  臭虫不解:她有失公正吗?  众球员齐答:她一抬脚掌,我们就以为她要举红牌呢!?"  笑话22、自由了  农家有客来,主人想杀公鸡,可公鸡飞上屋顶不下来,主人骂道:你在不下来,我把母鸡全杀了,让你生不如死!公鸡狂笑道:哇!太好了,老子终于可以找野鸡了!  笑话23、解放前   天他们打我,我没有说  第二天他们还打我,我还是没有说  第三天他们送来个女的。我说了  第四天我还想说,可是他们把我给毙了  笑话24、灵感  一姐妹乘火车回家,甚是拥挤啊,她还饿了,看这拥挤的过道突发灵感,遂端着泡面盒的边,边走边喊:"小心开水别烫到"。于是畅通无阻。几分钟后,姐妹端着面原路反回,嘴里喊着:"这回真有开水了啊!真有开水!"  笑话25、翻盖的  刚买手机的时候,同学问我怎么不买翻盖的。我说我特别讨厌用翻盖的东西,麻烦死了。同学淡定的问:"马桶翻盖你用不?"  笑话26、禁止涂画  一富人买了一豪宅,他在墙上写着"禁止涂画"。一人路过,在墙上写下"谁叫你先画"。富人很生气,又写道"这墙只许我画"。那人写"你画我也画"。富人急了,写"不许再画"。那人终于写下"不画就不画"。  原来是他妈我想多了  一直在纠结,找男朋友是找有钱的还是找对自己好的......  后来才发现,这和我小时候总考虑是上清华还是去北大是一样的,原来是他妈我想多了!  笑话27、城市建设?  偶家门前半年内:装下水管,挖开;通暖气,挖开;通煤气,挖开......  都挖开了,却没动静了......(你们就不能商量商量?)  笑话28、孙敬开理发店  东汉有一人名孙敬,勤奋好学,晚上看书时用一根绳子,一头扎住头发,一头绑在房梁上......  后来的事情大家都知道了,孙敬开了个理发店,靠着一手拉直发的绝活名扬天下。  笑话29、女人都是骗子  一西北狼到处觅食,听到有女人在训孩子:再哭就把你扔出去喂狼!  孩子哭了一夜,狼在门口外痴痴等到天亮,长叹一声:骗子,女人都是骗子!  笑话30、人生就是这么矛盾  小时候盼着长大,觉得长大后就会什么都不害怕了,结果......长大了。  却怀念小时候,至少害怕的时候可以找依靠,而长大后却只能假装坚强。  笑话31、不得要领  "救火!救火!"电话里传来了紧急而恐慌的呼救声。  "在哪里?"消防队的接线员问。  "在我家!"  "我是说失火的地点在哪里?"  "在厨房!"  "我知道,可是我们该怎样去你家嘛?"  "你们不是有救火车吗?!"  笑话32、还是从屁股入手好  老师发现一个学生家长的教育方式有问题,总教那些很难学的东西。  于是就找学生家长谈话,道:"教育孩子,首先要从头开始。"  家长:"原先也从头开始,谁知一棍子就把他敲懵了。经验表明,还是从屁股入手好些。"  笑话33、针灸效果不显著  小狗生病,请蜜蜂医生看病。  蜜蜂忙了半天,摇头说:"我的针灸治疗效果不显著,你还是去找萤火虫大夫进行电疗试试吧。"  笑话34、经典对白  每当快考试的时候,总想起张无忌和张三丰的经典对白:"无忌,我教你的还记得多少?"  "回太师傅,我只记得一大半。"  "那,现在呢?"  "已经剩下一小半了。"  "那,现在呢?"  "我已经把所有的全忘记了!"  "好,你可以上了。"  笑话35、小蜜好找服务员难  朋友开一饭店,更大 的特色是:服务员态度恶劣。  劝朋友:"得管管了。"  朋友:"不敢管,说句重话就都不干了。小蜜好找,服务员难招!"  笑话36、两个化学家  两个化学家进了一家餐厅,服务员问喝什么,一个说:h2o。另外一个说:h2o,too。  后来第二个死掉了。唉,文化多了更可怕。  笑话37、短裤问题  蚂蚁在岸边叫大象上来一趟,大象上来后,蚂蚁又叫他回去。  大象很迷惑,问蚂蚁怎么回事。蚂蚁说:"我丢了一条短裤,看看是不是你偷的,现在好了,不是你偷的。"  听到这句话的大象,当场晕血!  笑话38、在床上吃  有一次,食人族部落捉到了个金发碧眼的美女,正准备依照惯例把她投入油锅的时侯,酋长的侍卫走过来道:"慢着,让她跟我走,酋长要在床上吃。"  笑话39、蚊子与蜜蜂  蚊子想与从事甜蜜事业的蜜蜂交友,蜜蜂很看不起这家伙。  蜜蜂说:"我采蜜,传精送宝。你能替我做什么?"  蚊子说:"你有血海深仇吗?我能帮你血债要用血来还。"  笑话40、猫等于狗  "猫为什么等于狗"  "因为猫=动物;狗=动物;动物=动物;所以猫=狗"  笑话41、点滴之恩当涌泉相报  有一年大旱,一个农民眼看着自己的庄稼快不行了。  突然,好像想到了点什么,跑到庄稼地里,脱子裤子撒尿,然后嘴里自言自语到:都说点滴之恩当涌泉相报,这下该不旱了!  笑话42、口向舌求婚  口向舌求婚,舌小心翼翼地回答:你嘴皮子太厉害了,见到你我就张口结舌,没法沟通。  笑话43、女孩必须属猪  一哥们还没女朋友,我们问他要什么条件的,哥们说:"这女孩得属猪。"  我问他为什么,哥们说:"我属猴,如果找个属猪的女孩,就像猪八戒和孙悟空,她肯定怕我。"  笑话44、最有影响力的物理学家  一次物理考试,老师让填"你认为最有影响力的物理学家",三个空格。  我们班一牛人把三个空格上都写了任课老师的名字,后来得了更高 分!  笑话45、害怕游泳的狗狗  朋友带家里的边牧出去玩儿。  狗狗喜欢也很会玩飞盘,但是怕游泳。  为了训练她游泳,朋友把飞盘扔进了水里。  狗狗先是急得在水边叫,然后开始使劲儿喝水......  笑话46、过了七点半就好了  一哥们儿隔壁新搬来个老外, 晚上老外敲门求助,说:"我的电视坏了,不能换台。"  这哥们儿低头看了眼表,很镇定的说:"过了七点半就好了。"  笑话47、一眼就看中了  老王:你给我介绍的姑娘,有一只眼睛是瞎的!  媒婆:对啊!  老王:你骗我,你当初为什么没告诉我!  媒婆:我怎么没告诉你了!当时我说,那个姑娘一眼就看中你了?  笑话48、事故的原因  公路上发生了一起严重的事故,有辆轿车在电灯柱子上撞得稀巴烂,车上男女两人重伤昏迷。警察在现场调查的时候,从路边树丛里跳出来一只猴子。现场的警官看到猴子戴着颈圈,心想它可能是人养的宠物,于是问它:“你也是车上的乘客吗?”  猴子居然点了点头,看来是通人性的。警察抱着试一试的心情又问它:“出事的时候,车上的人在干什么?”  猴子伸出两个手指,放在嘴巴上。  “他们在抽烟?”警官猜测。  猴子点了点头。  警官接着问:“他们还干了什么?”  猴子一只手握拳,假装拿着什么东西往嘴里倒。  “你是说他们在喝酒?”  猴子点点头。  “还有什么?”  猴子撅起嘴巴,在手背上狠狠地亲了两口。  “哦,他们在亲热?”  猴子也点点头。  警官口中念着:“事故发生时,乘客在车上抽烟、喝酒、进行亲密活动……”将情况都记在本子里。最后他问猴子:“那你又在干什么?”  猴子两手前伸,做出一个握方向盘的姿势。  笑话49、熊和野兔  在一个森林里,一个会魔法的青蛙在散步,这个森林实在太大了,以至于青蛙很难看到其它动物。 ,它碰巧看到一只熊在追逐一只野兔,准备用它做晚餐。青蛙让它们停下来,说:“因为你们目前是我见到的仅有的两种动物,因此我将立刻实现你们的三个心愿……,熊,你先说。”  熊想了一会儿说:“我希望在这个森林里,除我之外,所有的熊都是雌的。”野兔希望得到一个坚硬的头盔,于是,一个头盔立即戴在了它头上。熊想不到野兔这样愚笨,白白浪费了自己实现梦想的良机。  熊得意地说出了第二个心愿:“我希望,在附近的森林里,所有的熊都是雌的。”野兔的第二个心愿是得到一辆摩托车。很快它便跨在摩托车上,启动发动机。熊很奇怪野兔竟然会有这么糊涂的心愿,毕竟野兔可以提出得到一大笔钱,然后再买摩托车呀!  最后一个心愿,熊认真地想了一会儿说:“我希望这个世界上,除我之外,所有的熊都是雌的。”  野兔咧着嘴坏笑,启动了发动机,留下一句话,一溜烟儿不见了。  那句话是:“我希望这只熊是同性恋……”  笑话50、执著的兔子  某天有只兔子跳进商店:老板,你们有没有卖红萝卜?  老板:没有!  次日,兔子又跳进来问:老板,你们有没有卖红萝卜?  老板:没有!  第三日,兔子又跳进来问:老板,你们有没有卖红萝卜?  老板:没有!你再进来问我就剪掉你的耳朵!  第四日,兔子又跳进来问:老板,你们有没有卖剪刀?  老板:没有!  兔子:那你们有没有卖红萝卜?  笑话51、狗吃书画  明末清初,浙江兰溪壁峰有个聪明人,叫毕矮,常与财主作对。   大富翁周道胜正在茶店说毕矮的坏话,恰巧毕矮路过,就走进去,说:“今天我遇到一件怪事。”  周道胜忙问:“毕老兄,什么怪事呀?”  毕矮说:“我邻居的一只狗,近来专门偷吃书画。今天,邻居把家里收藏的书画都拿出  来翻晒,不料全被这狗吃了,主人杀死这狗,剖开它肚子一看,你猜里面是些什么?哈,一肚子的坏画(话)。”  茶客明白毕矮在嘲笑周道胜,哈哈大笑起来。  笑话52、“瘟狗有福”  有 ,孙财主准备设宴请客。长工毕矮跟他上街买菜,买了整整一筐鱼肉。  回来路上,毕矮见不远处有只黄狗,就故意把筐放低拎着。那黄狗窜过来猛一口叼走了肉。孙财主命毕矮去追。毕矮追了一会空手回来说:“唉,真是瘟狗有福!”  孙财主莫名其妙地问:“你说什么?”  毕矮说:“喏,我们当长工的,一年到头拼死干活,从没吃过一顿肉,这下正如你东家  所说,‘命里注定’,没福气呀。”  财主点头道:“对!吃肉有吃肉的福气。我为啥酒肉不断?  这是‘命中注定’的!”  毕矮笑道:“东家,那死瘟狗把肉叼去,像你一样,嗨嗨,也有吃肉的福气哩。”  财主愣了。  笑话53、月升月落  小公主生病了。御医们束手无策。国王问女儿想要什么,公主说她想要天上的月亮。国王立刻召见他的首席大臣,要他设法把月亮从天上摘下来。  首席大臣从口袋里掏出一张纸条,看了看,说:“我可以弄到象牙、蓝色的小狗、金子做成的昆虫,还能找到巨人和侏儒……”国王很不耐烦,一挥手,说:“我不要什么蓝色的小狗。你马上给我把月亮弄来。”大臣面露难色,一摊手,说:“月亮是热铜做的,离地6000公里,体积比公主的房间还大。微臣实在无能为力。”  国王大怒,让首席大臣滚出去。然后,他又召见了宫中的数学家。这位数学大师头顶已秃,耳朵后面总是夹着一只铅笔,他已经为国王服务了40年,不少难题一到他手中便迎刃而解。可这回他一听国王的要求便连声推托,说:“月亮和整个 一样大,是用巨钉钉在天上的。我实在没办法把它取下来。”国王听后很失望,挥手让数学大师退下。  接下来被请去的是宫中的小丑。他穿戴滑稽,全身上下还挂着一串串铃铛。他连蹦带跳,叮叮当当地跑到国王面前,问:“请问陛下,有何吩咐?”国王又将事情的原委说了一遍。小丑听后沉吟良久,方才慢慢地说:“陛下,您的大臣们都是具有远见卓识的智者,但月亮究竟是何物,你们的说法不一。不妨问问公主,她以为月亮是何物。”国王表示同意。  小丑连忙去问公主。小公主躺在床上,有气无力地说:“月亮比我手指甲小一点,因为我伸出手指放在眼前便挡住了月亮。月亮和树差不多高,因为我常见到月亮停在窗外的树杈上。”小丑又问月亮是由什么做成的。公主说:“我想大概是金子吧。”  小丑连忙让工匠用金子打造了一个小月亮,送给公主。小公主欢天喜地,病也好了。第二天便下床在院子里玩耍。  可天近黄昏时国王又开始发愁了,心想:“女儿见到天上又升起个月亮岂不又要闹腾?”他连忙将首席大臣和数学大师请来商议对策。  笑话54、疯乌鸦   ,一只天鹅在湖边梳理雪白的羽毛。  小青蛙看见了,赞叹说:“真漂亮!”  可天鹅却骄傲地仰起头,说:“丑八怪,大嘴巴,我当然美极了!”  小青蛙难过地低下头,跳进水里了。  没多久,下起大雨来,地上湿漉漉的,天鹅没站稳,脚一滑,摔了个屁墩儿。  “还好没人发现!”天鹅急忙打了个滚爬起来。  这时,小青蛙跳到荷叶上玩,和他打了个招呼:“你好呀,乌鸦大哥!”  “谁说我是乌鸦?我是天鹅!”天鹅不高兴了。  “哈哈,别开玩笑了,瞧你长这么黑,怎么会是天鹅呢!”小青蛙笑起来。  天鹅低头一瞧,自己果真又黑又脏!可他还是争辩说:“我就是天鹅!”  “咦,难道你是挖煤的天鹅吗?”又有几只小青蛙跳上荷叶,议论起来:  “这一定是只发了疯的乌鸦!”  “也许他是只喜欢玩泥巴的野鸭!”  天鹅听见这话,气得涨红了脸,嚷着:“我就是天鹅,我就是天鹅!”  “呱呱,他果然疯了!”一只青蛙肯定地说。  青蛙都点点头,他们决定把它送进医院。  青蛙找来大木桶,把“疯乌鸦”架进去,抬起木桶朝医院走。  “放我下来!我是天鹅!”木桶里的“疯乌鸦”使劲叫。  小动物听见了,都好奇地探出头:  “他可真黑,也配当天鹅?”  “是啊,太丑了!”  “应该把他关起来!”  天鹅听了,心里真不是滋味,原来被人嘲笑这么难受啊!  想着想着,他伤心地哭起来,眼泪流啊流,流到身上,泥巴都被洗掉了。  这时,一只蝴蝶飞过来,问:小青蛙,你们抬着天鹅去哪呀!”  天鹅?  青蛙停下来,回头一瞧:啊,果真是天鹅呀!  小青蛙忙道歉。  天鹅说:“我也该向你们道歉,我以后再也不嘲笑别人了。”  笑话55、小猫找鼠国  森林里有一个古老的传说:有一个鼠国,所有的老鼠都从哪里出来的。如果把鼠国找到,并把那里的老鼠消灭掉,老鼠就不会祸害庄稼了。  有一个长着一只耳朵的小猫叫花花。他很想找到传说中的鼠国,但找了很久也没找到。每只猫都嘲笑他说:你以为长一只耳朵就能找到鼠国了吗?那只是个传说罢了。  但是小猫花花并没有泄气,在花花寻找鼠国的途中,他遇到了一群猫,那群猫不喜欢花花,因为他只有一只耳朵。  有 ,他们正在找老鼠国的时候遇到了一只大老虎。所有的猫都爬到了树上,只有花花在地上与大老虎对峙。大老虎从来没见过长着一只耳朵小猫,所以很害怕。大老虎刚想跑,花花就跳到了老虎的背上。大老虎吓得拼命向前跑,一直到跑不动了才停下来。  花花在老虎的身上下来后发现这里有很多老鼠,他心想这有可能就是传说中的鼠国。于是他找来了很多猫,把鼠国的老鼠消灭了一大半。小猫花花很遗憾,没有把鼠国的老鼠全都消灭掉!但是、从这以后,在所有猫的心里小猫花花成了英雄。  笑话56、富家子的陋习  一个富家之子去考试,父亲事先考了他一下,成绩很好,满以为一定能录取了,不料榜上竟没有儿子的名字。父亲赶去找县官评理。县官调来卷查看,只见上面淡淡一层灰雾,却看不到有什么字。  父亲一回家便责骂道:“你的考卷怎么写得叫人看也看不清?”  儿子哭道:“考场上没人替我磨墨,我只得用笔在砚上蘸着水写呀。”  笑话57、鹦鹉的故事  一个小伙子收到一件生日礼物,是一只会说话的鹦鹉。可是很快发现这只鹦鹉满嘴脏话,非常粗鲁。  他决心改变这只鹦鹉。每天对它说礼貌用语,教它文明的词汇,放轻柔的音乐,可是一点作用也没有,鹦鹉仍是满嘴下流话。  他生气地冲鹦鹉喊,鹦鹉冲着他喊得更响。  他气愤到了极点,把鹦鹉连笼子一起扔进冰箱里。几秒钟后,他听见鹦鹉在里面扑腾、叫喊、咒骂。  突然,安静下来了,一点声儿也没有了。他担心真把鹦鹉给冻坏了,就打开冰箱,把鹦鹉提了出来。  鹦鹉显得十分平静,用非常诚恳的口气说:“很抱歉,主人,我惹你生气了,以前是我不对,全是我的错,我决定痛改前非,再不说脏话了,希望你能够原谅我。”  小伙子惊诧于鹦鹉的转变,还没来得及说什么,鹦鹉接着问道:“我能问问里面那只鸡,它究竟做错了什么?”  笑话58、踏浪  有个城里人去农村,踩了玉米苗,农民心疼地说:“同志,你踩了俺的苗了。”  城里人不屑地说:“没文化太可怕了,这叫踏青。”  农民起身飞起一脚把他踹到河里:“熊样,踏浪去吧!”  笑话59、无药可治  我:医生,我的眼睛近视了。  医生:说说,具体近视到什么程度了?  我:我打开钱包看不见钱了……  医生说:滚……这病我都有,无药可治  哈哈哈!看完千万别一个人偷着乐呀,记得给身边的朋友们都看看,保准让他们也连笑三天!  笑话60、哭什么  小孩哭着来找妈妈。  妈妈:“怎么了?孩子。”  孩子:“爸爸不小心,砖头砸到他手指头了。”  妈妈:“那你哭什么?”  孩子:“因为我刚才笑了。”  笑话61、为什么要碰杯?  喝酒为什么要碰杯?  古时候,流行在酒里下毒。所以就开始流行碰杯,拿酒杯用力一碰,酒花溅到别人杯里,要死就大伙一起死,小样  难怪碰杯的英文叫:切死…国内也叫:来,走一个…  就是不知道走的哪一个?  笑话62、我俩不合适  一女的刚结婚就和他老公离婚了。  原因是老公想吃韭菜炒鸡蛋,老婆费好大劲刚炒好,老公看了一眼就走了,发信息说:“回你妈家去吧,我俩不合适……”  老婆就想了这到底是为啥呀愁死俺了!这炒滴没啥毛病啊!鸡蛋也没碎啊,是不是韭菜不应该切啊?  哈哈哈,太有才了!没事儿多笑笑,年轻没烦恼!  笑话63  老师正在帮一个小学生填写报名表,她问:你爸爸是干什么工作的?  小学生骄傲地说:我爸爸是省长!  老师吓了一跳,问:是哪个省的省长啊?  小学生回答道:我上幼儿园的时候,爸爸从不给我买玩具,能省就省,阿姨们都说我爸爸是最省钱的家长,后来就叫成了省长。  笑话64  小时候写错字,一次被老师狠骂了一顿。老师在课堂上念:满地都是金黄色的表子,有的表子成熟了,低着头,有的表子还没成熟,亭亭玉立的……  笑话65  小学生上学迟到,站在门口抽泣。  老师生气的问:“为什么来晚了?”  小学生泣不成声:“我...我...我爷爷...”  老师心里一惊!可怜的孩子,安慰他说:别难过了你爷爷在天之灵也不想你哭的。  然后小学生哭着继续说:“我爷爷睡着了,没叫我起床。”  笑话66  语文老师经常教导学生:“写作文要用比喻,这样才能使事物更加具体、形象。”  一学生在作文中写道:“我们的老师就像一头壮实的奶牛,用甘甜的乳汁哺育着我们茁壮成长。”  笑话67  哥哥和弟弟正把一架钢琴从7楼往下搬,到了第3层,兄弟俩停下休息。  弟弟边擦着汗边说:“要是我,我宁愿吹小号。”  笑话68  儿子对爸爸说:爸爸,你爱我吗?  爸爸说:当然了。  儿子说:那你可不可以和妈妈离婚,和隔壁那个卖冰激凌的阿姨结婚啊?  笑话69  “爸爸,道德是什么?”  “道德是什么?举例说吧:有人把装有一千块的钱包忘在商店里,我捡到了,我是一个独吞这批钱呢,还是与售货员平分?这就叫道德。”  笑话70  五岁的弟弟跑过来对我说:“哥,我刚才在老鼠洞找到不少葡萄干,你要不要分点?”  我无语。哪知他尝了一口,说:“不对,好像是老鼠屎。”  笑话71  儿子:“妈,什么叫唯唯诺诺的人?”  妈妈:“就是那些从不发表自己的意见,嘴里常说‘对,对,对’的人。孩子他爸,我说得对吗?”  爸爸:“对,对,对。”  笑话72  小明看到王叔叔从前面走过来,就赶紧上前跟他打招呼:“王叔叔,你怎么还在这里啊?  王叔叔:“怎么了,小明,有事吗?”  “王阿姨在波心花园都等你老半天了,我刚才看见她,她让我看到你的时候跟你说一声,让你赶紧过去。”  “不会吧,中午的时候还给我打电话呢!”  小明:“真的,骗你是小狗。”  王叔叔:“好,小明,谢谢你啊!”  这时,只见小明在小声嘀咕着:“不骗你才是小狗呢!”  笑话73  有次几个地皮欺负邻居小孩子鹏鹏,女友正好路过救下他,这几个家伙竟要猥琐女友,女友吓得大叫:“非礼,非礼啦!”  这时旁边冲过好多人来,吓跑了这几个流氓,鹏鹏兴奋的告诉女友,非礼是什么绝招啊!这么厉害你一叫就来这么多人啊,下次我也叫“非礼”。  笑话74  妈妈给儿子讲故事:“有两个人,一男一女,他们天天并肩而行,却不能交谈一句,甚至扭头看对方一眼都是奢望。”  孩子打断了妈妈的话,问道:“你说的是新闻联播那俩播音吧!”  笑话75  约翰从外面回来,手里拿着一张大面额钞票,对妈妈说:“这是我在外面捡的!”  母亲不相信,问:“果真是捡来的吗?”  “是真的。”约翰回答,“我还看见那人在找呢?”  笑话76  权力的确能改变一个人。我妈以前特好,抹桌子洗碗都是她来。现在掌权了,整个人也变了。  刚吃完晚饭就把碗一推,让我拿外套站她身后给披上,走到门口才缓缓侧着头对我说:你跪安吧,母后去领舞了。  笑话77  女儿:妈,我给你买个吸尘器吧,就不用你弯腰扫地了。  老妈:不要,浪费钱。  女儿:那我给你买个洗碗机啊,能省不少事呢。  老妈:不要,浪费钱。  女儿:那你想要什么啊?  老妈:什么都不要,这些活你爸都能干。  笑话78  家里台灯坏了,爷爷修了一下午愣是没修好,奶奶说:“要不你先吃饭,我看看修啥样了。”  一会我奶奶满脸黑线的出来了,说是灯泡坏了。  妈妈换了个灯泡,仍然没有亮,爸爸跑到物业,原来停电了。  笑话79  “爸爸?妈妈?我是怎么来的啊?”小明睁大了茫然的眼睛问。  爸爸咳了一声,说:“你个兔崽子你不记得了?昨个你和你媳妇吵架,出去喝个烂醉,自己晃晃悠悠的就回到这来了啊!”  笑话80  一哥们喜欢玩电脑,他妈妈看他那不求上进的样,于是在一旁教育许久,哥们一声不吭地盯着电脑,突然他看到自己制作的视频被转载过万,激动万分地对他妈说:“妈,别说了,我要火了!”  他妈一个巴掌抡过去:“反了你了。”  笑话81   ,快乐小学正在期末考试,大家正在认认真真地做卷子,这时候广播响啦:“同学们请注意,卷子上有错误,请大家看第4页的第9大题的第2小题:李雷正以5公里每小时的速度走路,这时候他走了10公里,他用了几个小时?请大家把李雷改成韩梅梅。谢谢。”  笑话82  数学期末考试成绩单发下来之后,小A问小B:“你得了多少分?”  B说:“唉,25分。”  小A说:“你可真不幸,回家肯定要挨打了吧?”  小B说:“你得了多少分?”  小A说:“10分。”  小B说:“噢,原来你比我更不幸。”  小A摇摇头说:“不,我比你幸运,我想得70分,就在‘1’上加一横,想得100分,就在‘0’后加个0,而你却不能。”  笑话83  老爸说:“你们现在的答题卡怎么像彩票一样?”  儿子答:“其实性质差不多。”  笑话84  老师拿着卷子,问一个学生:“这道几何题你没有证明,怎么得出这个角是直角的呢?”  学生:“我用量角器量过了。”  笑话85  山上庙里有尊雕刻精美的佛像,前来拜佛的人络绎不绝。  铺在山路上的石阶开始抱怨:“大家同是石头,凭什么我被人蹬来踩去,你却被人供在殿堂?”  佛像笑了笑:“当年,您只挨六刀,做了一方石阶,而我可是挨千刀了的呀! ”  笑话86  那时我还小,会做1加1等于2。而邻居家的大哥哥会做1万加1万等于两万。  他居然可以做到那么大的数字,我很佩服。  他还说,等他上了大学就可以知道1亿加1亿是多少了。  笑话87  老公总夸奖我“手如柔荑,肤如凝脂”  今天我炖了猪蹄,他问我:“你知道有学问的人叫猪蹄是什么?”  我说了“猪手、猪爪子”等等他都摇头。  我百思不得其解,老公一本正经的说:“《诗经》上的猪蹄子,叫柔荑。”  笑话88  男孩向他母亲哭诉:“我们班上所有同学都嘲笑我头大,说我是大头鬼。”  母亲安慰他:“不要听他们胡说,你的头其实很好看。好了,不要哭了,去给我买五公斤大米回来吧。”  男孩:“购物袋在哪里?”  母亲:“要什么购物袋,就用你的帽子好了。”  笑话89  一个男人在妇产科病房楼道里踱来踱去已经两个小时了。  最后,一个护士满脸笑容地走到他跟前。“先生,你太太生了一个女孩。”  “太好了! ”  “您喜欢女孩?”  “是的!这祥,她将来就不必像我刚才这祥等着受这份罪了。”  笑话90  男:哎,想不想谈恋爱啊?  女:不想。  男:你心理有毛病,书上说这叫:爱无能。  女:你才有毛病呢!  男:是真的!看在朋友一场的份上,我想牺牲自己拯救你一把。  女:想啊!  男:我也有点想,我们凑合一下吧!  笑话91  男同事调戏胖胖的女同事。  男:“你真是生错了年代,要是生在战争年代,你就大有可为了。”  女:“你是说我适合当兵?”  男:“是啊,适合战场上堵枪眼。”  笑话92  大伟在宠物店买了一条蛇。  我就问他:“你啥时候有养蛇的爱好?”  大伟说:“我不养,我这是买来放生的!我这是效仿许仙,没准以后就有白素贞来以身相许报答我呢!”  我摇头失笑:“为了脱单你也是蛮拼的,不过,你这条蛇好像是公的!”  笑话93  大伟在家里玩游戏。  忽然,有敲门声,是隔壁妹子,她说:我在做糖醋鲤鱼,糖不够,跟你借一点。  大伟说没问题,拿去呗!  过了一会,妹子又来,说:我在做宫爆鸡丁,油不够,跟你借一点。  大伟很大方,整桶都拿去呗。  又没多久,妹子又来了,说:我要吃饭了,家里人不够,能不能跟你借个人?  大伟顿时紧张起来,二话不说,拿起电话就拨打110,带着哭腔说:喂,警察吗?我这里有人想要吃人肉!  笑话94  有个财主,无论做什么事儿总想比别人高一等。有一年,财主和他家的长工,各生了一个男孩。财主要在取名字上分出高低。  孩子生下第三天,财主问长工:“你那个穷小子取什么名字?”  长工信口说:“我们穷人不讲究个啥,取名叫屁股。”  财主一听,正合心意,哈哈大笑说:“好!好!太好了!我的宝贝儿就叫脸。”  屁股和脸长到五岁。 ,脸突然得急病死了。财主垂头丧气,长嘘短叹:“我的脸还不如穷鬼的屁股命长!”看到屁股 到晚蹦蹦跳跳,越长越逗人喜爱,眉头一皱,计上心来。   ,财主请长工吃酒饭。酒兴正浓,财主说:“我五十岁的人了,好不容易有个脸,谁知命不好,你看咋办?你还年轻,请帮个忙,把你的屁股当我的脸,往后不亏待你。”  长工说:“我的屁股当你的脸高攀不上,我就这么一个屁股,要是当你的脸,我没有屁股咋办?”  财主见来软的不行,便来硬的说:“端我的碗,服我的管,不要有福不晓得享,你的屁股当我的脸,就这样定了。”  笑话95  男女相亲,女人很直接  女:“你懂政治吗?”  我:“不太懂”  女:“懂兵法吗?”  我:“不懂!”  女:“打篮球一个能打五个吗?”  我:“不能!”  女:“能单手俯卧撑吗?”  我:“不能!”  女:“想要我和你交往,以上必须全会!拜拜”  我:“世界上哪有这么厉害的男人”  女:“有,金元帅”  笑话96  还有几个月就考研了,昨天我去图书馆上自习,旁边是个漂亮的妹子,于是跟她搭讪  我:“美女,我是哈尔滨的,你也是东北人吧?”  美女:“人家是南方人。”  我:“刚才我听你口音咋像东北的呢?”  美女:“咋地!跟老娘顶嘴啊,就你这样的还想跟我处对象,你是不是虎,信不信我削你!”  我:“......”  笑话97  华山中学岳不群校长在给学生会主席令狐冲讲校史:“华山中学原来有两名校长分别是岳肃和蔡子峰,岳校长主张基础不牢地动山摇,先学基础知识后做题,被称为气宗。  蔡校长主张,不学基础直接题海战术,被称为剑宗。  气宗见效慢,剑见效慢,高一时,剑宗成绩比气宗好的多,高二时,剑宗气宗成绩相当,高三时,气宗成绩远好于剑宗,一次高考,剑宗考砸了,从此,华山中学就剩下气宗了!”  笑话98  七个关系亲密的小伙子,要拜把兄弟,按年龄小明排行老四,  小明:“老大,我不要当老四,不好听!”  老大:“哈哈……兄弟,想不到你这么迷信,你是不是认为,四和死音相同?”  小明:“这不是主要的……”  老大:“哈哈……我的傻兄弟,老四有什么不好,明成祖朱棣排行老四,雍正皇帝排行老四,乾隆皇帝也是排行老四,还有道光皇帝,咸丰皇帝,都是排行老四,你看多好!”  小明:“可是……我姓赵,以后你们不得叫我赵四啊!”  老大:“……”  笑话99  为了防止洪涝灾害,永保家园安宁,阎王亲自督促众小鬼修了一座固若金汤的大堤。最后一结账,天啊,库房里没钱了。没钱的日子可怎么过呢?阎王决定撤换掉原来大手大脚、视金钱如粪土的老管家,另觅一位勤俭节省、精打细算的新管家。  阎王要聘新管家了。这个消息随着阴风传遍了整个地府。各位新鬼旧鬼、老鬼小鬼、胖鬼瘦鬼都巴望着能补这个美差,所以争先恐后地来当管家。  “判官啊,怎么黑压压的全是鬼啊?”阎王站在门口,头皮子都有些发麻。身边的判官点头哈腰地说:“还不是都想给您作管家?”  阎王哼了一声说:“那怎么行?我只要一位省吃俭用的,一位,一位足够了。”沉吟了片刻说:“这样吧,搞个全地府超级海选,谁越会精打细算,越是吝啬,我就聘用谁。”  “大王英明!”判官说着就雷厉风行地去做整个海选的准备工作了。经过初赛、预赛、复赛,最后进入决赛的只剩下高低胖瘦四位鬼。当然,这一关是阎王亲自坐镇,每人限时1分钟。   个出场的是矮个子鬼,他说他叫竞先生。地府里的鬼天天盼、夜夜想,都希望自己早日投胎到阳间,为了图个吉利争着取名“某某先生”。阎王冲他点点头问:“你有何特长?具体地说你怎样体现你的精打细算?”  “大王,在精打细算方面请您一百个放心!”竞先生环顾四周,微微一笑说,“不雅观地说,在下进厕所从未用手纸,为的是节省一点儿纸钱。”  笑话100  “喂,约克,这次约会成功了吗?”  “可以说,成功一半。”  “是什么意思?”  “这次是我去了,她没去。”  “啊!”  笑话101  妈妈不想做饭,非要陪儿子做做业,谁料儿子竟然非要爸爸陪。  妈妈不悦道:“怎么,妈妈没爸爸辅导的好吗?”  儿子摇摇头道:“爸爸脸上雀斑多,可帮着做算术题。”  笑话102  爸爸:“儿子,爸爸升官了,我们要搬家到另外一个城市生活了。”  儿子满脸不悦,小嘴噘的老高。  爸爸:“怎么,不舍得这里吗?”  儿子:“爸爸,我也要升官了,上周我被提名当班长,这事马上就要批下来啦!”  笑话103  中午吃鹌鹑蛋烧肉皮。儿子丢下作业,来做“力所能及的家务活儿”。  儿子剥好一个就丢进嘴里,我没吱声。  剥好第二个又丢进嘴里,我忍不住说:“怎么又吃了?这样边剥边吃,中午吃什么?”  儿子说:“ 个吃得太快,没品出滋味。”  我说:“做作业去,这家务活儿不要你做了。”  儿子说:“做家务有奖,应该再吃一个。”  说完,第三个又扔进嘴里。  笑话104  世界杯决赛时。一个球迷发现他的邻座是个不满10岁的男孩,正津津有味地观看比赛。于是,他问道:“小家伙,你也爱看足球!你是从哪弄来这么难买的门票的?我是排队排了三天三夜才买到的。”  “我爸爸排队买的。”  “那你爸爸怎么没来呀?”  “他正在家里找球票呢!”  笑话105  一次,牧师布道仅用了十多分钟,还不到平时的一半。牧师解释说:“非常遗憾,我家的那一只狗喜欢吃纸。今天正好把我要讲的那一节书给吃掉了。所以,今天我只能讲这么多了。”  大家纷纷起身离开了教堂。可有一个小朋友没有走,他满脸欣喜地跑上讲坛,拉住牧师的手,说道:“牧师,如果您的小狗下狗崽的话,我想要一只。我要把它送给我们的老师。”  笑话106  我丈夫在国外的时候,我们四岁的女儿一直要我生个弟弟给她做伴。  我说:“你的主意不错,但你不认为应该等你的爸爸回家吗?”没想到女儿回答道:“我们为什么不给他一个惊喜?”  笑话107  4岁的孩子,他对整个世界都充满了好奇。有一次,他爷爷把自己的假牙拿出来冲洗,他就开始对他爷爷的假牙充满了好奇。看到那些牙拿下来刷过后再安上去,他简直惊呆了,就要求再来一遍。俯首帖耳的爷爷为孙子表演了几遍以后,问道:“行了吗?”  孩子的眼睛转了一会儿,说道:“把鼻子也拿下来。”  笑话108  一男孩下学回家,兴奋地告诉妈妈,他在学校剧里扮演了一个角色。  妈妈非常高兴:“太棒了,孩子!你扮演的是什么角色?”男孩回答:“我在剧中扮演一个丈夫!”妈妈的脸色马上阴沉下来,沉重地说道:“孩子,告诉你们老师,你要演一个有台词的角色!”  笑话109  车上放天鹅湖的音乐,我一时兴起给6岁的女儿讲解。  女儿没有听过这个故事,于是我简化讲道:“一只天鹅变成美女,嫁给了王子……”  女儿担心的说:“王子让她生宝宝,她下个蛋怎么办?”  笑话110  弟弟上历史课的时候,老师问他:“路易十四是谁?”  他答:“路易十四不就是路易十加路易四吗!”  老师听后没好气地说道:“你怎么不说是路易七乘路易二呢?”  哪知道弟弟不假思索便说:“老师,从数学上来说,路易七乘路易二应是路易平方十四,因此你错了。”  弄得老师哭笑不得。  笑话111  两小学生去网吧玩游戏,路上遇人打架。  学生A驻足观看,学生B不耐烦嚷嚷道:“看什么啊?光看又不能涨经验值!”  笑话112  学校开运动会,由于班里男生稀缺,于是体育委员千方百计拉人参加。  离谱的是,一个重达两百斤的舍友被指定去参加三级跳远比赛。  我们知道后,大为惊讶,纷纷质疑道:“这么胖,能不能跳进坑里啊?”  谁知,舍友胸有成竹,满面笑容冲着大家自信地说道:“不用担心,像我这样的,跳到哪里,哪里就是坑!”  笑话113  我跟室友说:“想不想听个笑话?”  “好啊。”  “你知不知道厕所和冰箱有什么不同?”  “不知道。”  “你这个人太恶心了!”  笑话114  舍友平时不讲卫生,一到夏天,蚊子就咬他,他为此苦恼不已。  前段时间,我到外地实习,不在宿舍,昨天回到学校,他得意地告诉我:“现在蚊子不咬我了,都去咬别人了!”  我反问他:“这么说,你现在讲卫生,爱干净了?”  他说:“那倒不是,可能是现在蚊子都爱干净了吧!”  笑话115  大学时宿舍一姐妹吃减肥餐,有一餐的食谱上要求吃一片肉。  她到校门口的熟食铺上,跟老板说:“给我五毛钱的肉。”  老板没有表示异常,切了一片迅速剁碎,好心地说:“喂乌龟的吧,我给你剁碎点啊!”  笑话116  毕业后,强迫症机电系的同学到一公司求职。老板对他很满意,拟录用,征求他对工作的要求。  他说:“一要专业对口,二是有一间独立的办公室,三要有一部专用的电话。”  老板想了一会儿,就答应了他的全部要求。  第二天他去报到时,发现他的工作是开电梯。  笑话117:爸爸可以省钱了  爸爸,你可以省钱了!”“省什么钱?孩子。”“今年你不用再花钱给我买课本了,我已经留级了。”  笑话118: 长大  爷爷说:“今天是我的生日。”孙子问:“‘生日’是什么意思?”“生日嘛,就是说爷爷是今天出生的。”孙子听了,瞪大眼睛说:“嗬,今天生的怎么就长这么大了呀!”  笑话119:牛会抽烟吗?  两个农家的孩子在聊天,一个突然问:“你家的牛会抽烟吗?”“你疯啦?牛怎么会抽烟?”“哦,那么,也许是你家的牛棚着火了。”  笑话120:诚实考验  父亲看完儿子的成绩单后说:“有一点我可以相信,看你这种成绩,就知道你考试没有作弊。”儿子:“不是没有作弊,是作弊没有成功。”  笑话121:捐爸爸还是捐妈妈  小艾是一个只有六岁的小男孩,在一家幼儿园上学。 老师对同学们讲:“小朋友们,陶梅的爸爸和妈妈没有了,她多可怜啊!我们应不应该帮助她呢?”孩子们异口同声地回答道:“应该。”那好,我们一个个来好吗?”老师说道:“老师先捐五十元。”  同学们立刻你十元、我五元地捐出了自己的零花钱。这时轮到了小艾,他一动不动,像是在想什么心事。老师便问:“小艾,你不想帮助同学吗?”“不,不是的。”小艾连忙说道:“我,我是在想,我是捐个爸爸给她好呢,还是妈妈好呢?”  笑话122:学会了  儿子:“今天老师教我们说‘是的,先生。’和‘不,先生。’”父亲:“你学会了吗?”儿子:“不,先生!”父亲:“管爸爸不能叫先生。”儿子:“是的,先生。”  笑话123:偷水果  农夫巡视果园,发现一个小男孩攀上了苹果树。“小捣蛋,你等着看,我要去告诉你爸爸!!”男孩抬头向上面喊道:“爹,底下有人要和你说话!”  笑话124:历史故事  小明老是缠着爸爸要他说历史故事给听。爸爸:“好!从前,有一只青蛙。”小明:“唉呀!人家要听历史故事啦!!”爸爸:“好吧,在唐朝,有一只青蛙。”  笑话125:触动  (儿子赖在床上不做作业)父亲对儿子说:“如果你不做作业的话,你将来就找不到好工作。”儿子说:“才不想工作呢。”父亲:“那你更好 也别结婚,成家。”儿子:“才……不要结婚呢!”父亲:“那你更好 也不要恋爱、不要跟姑娘接吻……”儿子:“才没工夫跟你闲扯呢――该做作业了!”  笑话126:教书  小学三年级班上有一个聪明伶俐的学生,但是要他静下来听课却很费劲。  有 他对老师说:“我懂的东西够多了,没有必要继续读书了。”  老师:“噢,真的?你只读到三年级,打算做什么?”  学生:“教二年级。”  笑话127  豆豆是个很听老师话的孩子。 作文课,他写到:妈妈是个四十五岁的中年妇女!  交上去后,老师在“四十五岁”旁划了个圈,批示:多余!  第二天豆豆把改过的作文交上去,老师发现作文改成了:我妈妈是个多余的中年妇女!  笑话128  那天,偶然看到儿子交给老师的周记作业《我最喜欢的家庭成员》。  虽然文章中儿子像列家谱似的提到了妈妈、爷爷、奶奶、姥姥、姥爷、大舅、二姨、三姑……可到结尾文锋一转写道:“要说家里,我最喜欢的是谁呢?相信你们已经猜到了。当然是我的爸爸。其他人对我要求都是那么严厉。只有爸爸更好 ……”  读到这里我不禁心花怒放。可等我翻至下页,却见 行行首写着俩字――欺负。  笑话129  叔叔要考侄儿的算术,问他说:“我拿6块糖让你和弟弟均分,你分几块给他?”  “两块。”侄儿回答。  “怎么两块?”叔叔问,“你不是学除法了吗?”  侄儿答,“我学了,可是弟弟还没学啊!”  笑话130  一小学生问自然老师:“老师,电灯为什么要用两根电线?”老师向他解释道:“一根电线让电进来,而另一根电线还要让电回去。”  小学生听后高兴地说:“那我们剪断一根电线好了!光让电进来,不让电回去,学校就再也不会停电了。”  笑话131  一日上地理课,老师正讲关于“酸雨”的问题。书上有幅插图,上面画着一个人在被污染的河中钓鱼。旁边一位同学说:“这不成了酸菜鱼了?”  笑话132:有强迫症的妈妈  8点,我妈说:“成天玩电脑不知道出去转转去!”  9点,我从外面转回来了,我妈说:“转这么久,就知道在外面瞎转,不知道在家老老实实待会儿!”  周末,当我决定回家的时候,我妈说:“成天不在学校学习,整天往家跑!”  周末,当我决定不回家时,我妈说:“又不回家,出去上个学就知道玩,玩野了!”  当我在家玩电脑时,我妈说:“ 到晚就知道趴在电脑桌上,不知道去看看电视什么的。”  当我看新闻的时候,我妈说:“ 到晚就知道趴在电视机前,不知道去看看名著之类的。”  当我看名著之类的书的时候,我妈说:“ 到晚就知道躺在床上看书,也不看点有用的,你说你有时间也不知道学习学习英语。”  当我预习英语时,我妈说:“成天抱本英语书看,我说你是不是学成书呆子了?出去玩玩嘛。”  当我出去玩儿时,我妈说:“ 到晚就知道在外面疯玩,这么热的天在家打打电脑不好吗?”  当我在家玩电脑的时候……   次月考后,我妈说:“咋才考这点?最少该上550吧。”  第二次月考后,我上了550,我妈又说:“咋才考这点?最少该上650吧。”  第三次月考后,我上了650,我妈又又说:“咋才考这点?最少该上700吧。”  第N次月考后,我终于上了700,我妈却说:“咋才考这点?最少该上750吧。”  “妈,满分750。”  我不是黄蓉……我不会武功……我不是神童……  笑话133:朵朵学英文  朵朵喜欢学英文,开始改口叫我妈咪,每天妈咪长妈咪短,害我一直以为自己在演港剧  朵朵:妈咪,海豚的英文怎么说  妈妈:呃 不知道耶  朵朵:妈咪 猫头鹰的英文怎么说?  妈妈:啊 那个……猫我知道是CAT,猫头鹰……  朵朵:这也不知道,那也不知道,真是个笨妈妈  妈妈不服气的说:那你呢,你知道吗!?  朵朵兴奋的说:知道,知道,朵朵什么都知道,快问我快问我猪怎么说,狗怎么说……  妈妈:……这个,呃,我也知道……下次也问我这个吧……  笑话134:通知书  “你今天是怎么了?这么半天老摆弄它干什么?”父亲说着,从儿子手里夺过通知书,翻阅起来。上面有老师写的批语:“在课堂上射弹弓,往同学的衣袋里装虫子……请家长来谈一谈。”  “你在学校里尽干这个,你长大会成个什么人啊?”父亲向儿子猛吼。  “爸爸,这不是我的通知书,是我从您的旧箱子里找到的。”  笑话135:孩子的真理  一位年轻的教师刚给她班里的一个小男孩讲完羊的故事,说有一只羊因为离开了羊群被狼吃掉了。“明白了吧,”她说,“如果这只羊老实,不离开羊群,它就不会被狼吃掉,对吗?”  “对,老师。”小男孩回答道:“但它以后就被我们吃掉了。”  笑话136:爸爸传染了我  有 父亲和儿子都起得很迟。父亲没有上班,儿子也没有上学去。  “在办公室里,人家会认为我病了。而你呢?你的同学问起你时,你怎么说呢?”父亲问儿子。  “我就说,爸爸的病传染了我。”  笑话137:关键时刻要勇敢  爸爸给五岁的儿子讲故事:“美国有个青年独自在树林砍柴,不小心一条大腿被压在大树下无法脱身。为了活命,他毅然用锯子锯断了那条大腿,死里逃生。儿子,这个故事告诉我们,关键时刻要作出勇敢的抉择。”  儿子:“爸爸,如果是头被压着了怎么办?”  爸爸:“……”  笑话138:止痛片的作用  放学前,老师把学生叫到办公室,  拿出一粒止痛片说:“你把它吃下去吧。”  学生不解地说:“我身上那都不疼丫。”  “过会就疼了,我已经把你考试不及格地消息告诉你爸爸了。  笑话139:昨晚没睡好  甲:我昨晚没睡好!  乙:怎么了?  甲:我打死了一只蚊子!  结果来了一大群蚊子给它开追悼会,  最后他们居然还搞了个聚餐!  笑话140:不熟  一块三分熟的牛排和一块5分熟的牛排在大街上遇到了,  为什么他们没打招呼呢??(假设他们会说话)  因为……他们都不熟啊……  你怎么也有呢?  朋友公司每天中午饭后发水果,  部门新来了个小伙不知道这件事。  下午上班时间到了,小伙回到自己座位,  大喊:“这是谁的橘子啊?”  朋友见状连忙制止:“给你发的!”  “为啥给我啊?”  朋友:“看你长得帅呗!”  小伙看了眼朋友,又看了眼朋友的桌子,  道:“那你怎么也有呢?!”  笑话141:耳朵的结构  生物课老师讲到耳朵的结构,  开始提问耳朵由哪几部分组成?  小学生们踊跃回答:耳膜、耳鼓……  突然课堂上冒出一句:还有耳屎。  笑话142  周末时,儿子又在睡懒觉,早上,我催儿子起床:"宝贝,早起的鸟儿才有虫吃,不能再睡了。"  儿子"嗯"了一声,便又没动静了。  我只好又催:"你这个小懒虫,快起来。"  儿子:"妈妈,小懒虫应该晚点起,要不然会被鸟吃掉。"说完又躺下了。  笑话143:长大了想当老师  家有幼女,芳龄四岁半。平素胆小,不好与生人交谈。但不鸣则已,一鸣惊人。  过年了,有不常来的叔叔阿姨来串门,她一人正趴在桌上涂鸦画画,煞有模样。阿姨在旁问:“幼幼(女儿乳名),画什么呢?”  女儿不语。  “嗯,画得真不错,长大了想当画家?”  仍不语。  “哦,阿姨猜错了,给阿姨说说,长大想当什么?”  生疏感渐渐远去,抬起小头,稚嫩地说:“想当老师!”  “哦,不错,那再给阿姨说说,想当什么老师?”  女儿一脸诧异:“我姓王,当然当王老师了,这么简单还不知道?”  笑话144:盗版  阿光非常喜欢音乐,买cd、磁带挺在行,连默写诗句都忍不住露一手:两岸原声啼不住……瞧,他把猿声写成原声了。  语文老师批语道:这哪里是李白的原声,分明是盗版!  笑话145:导师的回答  学生问导师,你们给小本回邮件时总是说"你很有竞争力,欢迎申请,不过我没有决定权",这到底是什么意思呢?  导师说:身为一个 知识分子,我总不能说"呵呵"吧。  笑话146:乌鸦当然是鸟啦  一个老师上语文课,头天教了一个"鸟"字,第二天又在黑板上写了两字"鸟鸦",带领学生念:"乌鸦"。  有一个学生举手:"老师,错了,那是“鸟”。"  老师:"废话,乌鸦当然是鸟啦。"  笑话147:今天我也不方便  小时候上体育课,  女生和体育老师说:"今天我不方便跑。"  1000米就可以不用跑了。  然后我也跑过去,和老师说了句:"老师,今天我也不方便跑。"  然后不但跑完了那该死的1000米,又加跑了2000米。  笑话148:班主任好敬业  高中,有一次班主任去了井冈山。  大家都以为会过两天回来的,结果第二天都迟到。  班主任突然出现,全被抓到班上。  她好兴奋的和我们说:"哈哈,我就知道,我特意连夜坐7个小时的车赶回来抓你们迟到的。"  笑话149:学校抽考  某中学,教育局的人到学校抽考,在大会上宣布:"为了公平起见,今年我先抽考一年级,明年抽考二年级,后年是三年级的。"  学生:"……不都是一个年级么?"  笑话150:粉丝越来越多了  发现我的粉丝越来越多了,孩子老师要我签名,银行取钱时工作员要我签名,送快递的要我签名,就昨天没戴头盔,交警同志追了我两公里也要我签名!  笑话151  父亲:“你知道为什么袋鼠的肚子前面有个袋子?”  小孩:“我想一定是用来装小袋鼠的。”  父亲:“但小袋鼠的肚子前面也有一个袋子,这又作何解释呢?”  小孩:“那肯定是用来装糖果的!”  笑话152  我小外甥小时候很喜欢睡觉,一次睡到太阳找到他的脸。穷叫:“把灯关掉!把灯关掉!”告诉他是太阳后,他又翻个身不耐烦地叫:“哦,那把太阳关掉!”  笑话153:聪明的同学  上语文课,某同学睡着了,坐在边上的同学突然叫醒他,并小声说“: 读课文第三段。”  他马上起身大声读了起来。正在黑板写字的老师吓了一跳。  老师郁闷地看着他问“: 同学,你有什么问题吗?”  他貌似知道了什么,淡定地说:“这段写得真好,我给大伙念念!”  笑话154:想你想得都哭了  早上送孩子去幼儿园,由于很久没去了一路上小家伙哭得肝肠寸断。  千般哀求不要去幼儿园,老师对她不好等等数落老师坏话。  到了幼儿园刚好碰到孩子老师,小家伙突然口气一变:“老师我天天想你,来的路上我想你想得都哭了……”  笑话155:爷爷唱小星星  一爷孙俩在看《爸爸去哪儿》。  孙子突然说了句“: 爷比,你会唱小星星吗?”  爷爷说“: 会呀!”  孙子“: 那你唱给我听。”  爷爷“: 天上的星星参北斗啊,风风火火闯九州啊。”  笑话156  某小学在上语文课时,老师讲了《孔融让梨》的故事,然后要学生写出孔融让梨的动机。  在交上来的答卷中,答案主要可分成四类:1、梨烂了;2、当时孔融正好牙疼;3、这样好叫拿梨的人帮他做作业;4、为了要成名。  笑话157  汤姆在小学任教,长得人高马大威风凛凛,只是一紧张讲话就口吃。一次监考时,他发现有一个学生在作弊,于是就气急败坏地指着那名学生吼道:你……你……你……你……你竟敢作弊,给我站起来!  语毕,有5名学生同时站了起来……  笑话158  幼儿园老师问她的学生:"谁能用肯定一词造句?"   个小女孩说:"天空肯定是蓝色的。"  老师说:"可是天空有时是灰色或橘黄色的呀!"  第二个小男孩说:"树肯定是绿色的。"  老师说:"可到了秋天,树会变成褐色呀"  这时,后排的小明站起来问道:"老师,屁有颜色吗?"  老师惊愕道:"当然没有!"  "那么,我肯定我拉裤子了!"  笑话159  从前有两个渔夫,一个非常勤勉,天天出海打鱼,另一个则比较懒散,好几天才出海一次,但一年下来,两人的收成却差不多。  勤勉渔夫不忍问道:“你打鱼的次数比我少多了,怎么收成会和我的差不多呢?”  懒散的渔夫解释道:“你的方法不对,虽然天天出海打鱼,但有时候多,有时候少,有时遇上风浪血本无归,但我则是经常上网了解天气和渔汛的情况,做的有的放矢啊。”  勤勉的渔夫不禁戚慨:“还是你强啊,三天打鱼,两天上网。”  笑话160  读小学四年级的弟弟胖得实在不像话,大家常常取笑他。   ,老师要他们一班同学开始在联络簿上记下“每天帮家里做的事”,弟弟怎么也想不出来,最后只好由妈妈代为填写。她在联络簿上写了:“每天帮家里吃饭。”老师的评语是:“看得出来,你很努力!”  笑话161  妈妈带五岁的儿子坐公交车,太阳很毒,其他位置都有人了,  妈妈就找了个靠窗户的座位坐下,刚做下,  儿子说:"妈妈,我们换换位吧?"  "为什么啊?"  "我晒黑了不碍事,你晒黑了还得掏钱美容!"  笑话162  一把坚实的大锁挂在大门上,一根铁杆费了九牛二虎之力,还是无法将它撬开。钥匙来了,它瘦小的身子钻进锁孔,只轻轻一转,大锁就“啪”一声打开了。  感悟:每个人的心,都像上了锁的大门,任你再粗的铁棒也撬不开。惟有关怀,才能把自己变成一把细腻的钥匙,进入别人的心中。  笑话163  父子二人看到一辆豪华进口轿车。儿子不屑地对他父亲说:“坐这种车的人,肚子里一定没有学问!”父亲则轻描淡写地回答:“说这种话的人,口袋里一定没有钱!”  感悟:你对事情的看法,是不是也反映出你内心真正态度?  笑话164  晚饭后,母亲和女儿一块儿洗碗,父亲和儿子在客厅看电视。突然,厨房里传来打破盘子的响声,然后一片沉寂。儿子望着他父亲,说:“一定是妈妈打破的。”“你怎么知道?”“她没有骂人。”  感悟:我们习惯以不同标准来待人,以至于常严以待人,宽于待己。  笑话165  有两个观光团到同一个地方旅游,路况很坏,到处都是坑洞。一位导游连声说路面简直像麻子一样。而另一个导游却诗意盎然地对游客说:“我们现在走的正是本地赫赫有名的酒窝大道。”  感悟:虽是同样的情况,辅以不同视角,就会产生不同态度。思想是奇妙的事,如何去想,决定权在你。  笑话166  一个小学三年级的学生,说他将来的志愿是当小丑。有的人斥之为“胸无大志,孺子不可教也!”有的人则会说:“愿你把欢笑带给全世界!”  感悟:身为长辈的我们,不但要求多于鼓励,更以狭窄界定成功。  笑话167  妻子正在厨房炒菜,丈夫在她旁边一直唠叨不停:“慢些!小心!火太大了!赶快把鱼翻过来!油放太多了!”妻子脱口而出:“我懂得怎样炒菜。”丈夫平静答道:“我只是要让你知道,我在开车时,你在旁边喋喋不休,我的感觉如何……”  感悟:学会体谅他人并不困难,只要你愿意认真站在对方的角度和立场看问题。  笑话168  一辆载满乘客的公共汽车沿着下坡路快速前进,有一个人在后面紧紧追赶这辆车子。一个乘客从车窗中伸出头来对追车子的人说:“老兄,算了,你追不上的!”“我必须追上它”,这人气喘吁吁地说,“我是这辆车的司机!”  感悟:有些人必须非常认真努力,因为不这样的话,后果就十分悲惨了!然而也正因为必须全力以赴,潜在的本能和不为人知的特质终将充分展现出来。  笑话169  甲:“新搬来的邻居好可恶,昨天晚上三更半夜跑来猛按我家的门铃。”  乙:“的确可恶!你有没有马上报警?”  甲:“没有。我当他们是疯子,继续吹我的小喇叭。”  感悟:事出必有因,如果能先看到自己的不是,答案就会不一样。  笑话170  张三在山间小路开车,正当他悠哉欣赏美丽风景时,突然迎面开来的货车司机摇下窗户大喊一声:“猪!”张三越想越气,也摇下车窗大骂:“你才是猪!”刚骂完,他便迎头撞上一群过马路的猪。  感悟:不要错误地诠释别人的好意,那只会让自己吃亏,并且使别人受辱。  笑话171  小男孩问爸爸:“是不是父亲总比儿子知道得多?”爸爸回答:“当然啦!”“电灯是谁发明的?”“爱迪生。”“那爱迪生的爸爸怎么没有发明电灯?”  感悟:权威往往只是一个经不起考验的空壳子,尤其在现今这个多元开放的时代。  笑话172  蚂蚁  一个一年级的小朋友一回到教室就告诉教师:“老师,厕所里有好多蚂蚁!”  女老师点点头,忽然想到蚂蚁(ant)这个词的英语一开学就教过了,想看看小朋友是否还记得,便问:“那蚂蚁怎么说?”  小朋友一脸茫然,过了一会儿才回答说:“蚂蚁,他,他没有说话!”  笑话173  求婚  二年级的小芳很可爱,常常被班上小男生缠着。有 ,小芳回家后跟妈妈说:“妈咪,今天小强跟我求婚,要我嫁给他……”妈妈漫不经心地问:“他有固定的工作吗?”小芳想了想,说:他是我们班上负责擦黑板的。”  笑话174  低估了儿子  同事大鹏领着女儿来家里玩。  这是我 次看到他女儿,没想到长这么大了,听说上小学二年级了。  小女孩非常有礼貌,一进门就主动问好。这一点,我儿子就差远了,那小子很有个性,就是动员他,也不一定会叫一声。  小女孩打扮得也很可爱,言谈举止,跟一个小大人似的。说实话,一下子我就喜欢上她了。  晚上,我主动问儿子:“你看,今天来的小女孩,年龄跟你差不多,你觉得她怎么样?”其实,我主要想通过儿子对她的印象,而鼓励儿子向人家学习。  结果,儿子竟然反问:“你是不是想让我跟她谈恋爱?”  笑话175  啼笑皆非  有 ,妈妈在屋内打死一只老鼠,她不愿意让邻居知道,于是告诉小幺儿不要和别人说,因为老鼠是肮脏的。哪知小幺儿却对同学说:“我家有个秘密,肮脏得很,不能告诉你们。”